


It Starts With a Kiss

by jhoom



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alpha!Dean, M/M, Masturbation, Mpreg, Omega!verse, heat/rut sex, office!AU, omega!cas, roommate!AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-07
Updated: 2018-03-07
Packaged: 2019-03-28 00:51:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 24,826
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13892763
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jhoom/pseuds/jhoom
Summary: Dean and Cas have been good friends ever since Charlie introduced them. Best friends, even. So what if more feelings might lurk beneath the surface — it’s not like either would ever act on them and risk the good thing they already have. But a few brief nights together during a shared heat/rut cycle threaten to jeopardize that delicate balance. Especially when they each find out life changing news shortly afterwards.[Where Dean gets a promotion at work and moves overseas, and Cas gets pregnant and doesn’t tell Dean because he doesn’t want to interfere with his career.]





	1. The Kiss

**Author's Note:**

> This is my entry for the 2017 [deancas pinefest](http://deancaspinefest.tumblr.com). Here we have some lovely pining alpha Dean (who's a hybrid between Dean Winchester and Dean Smith) and omega Cas. 
> 
> Thank you to my beta reader [ladyofthursday](http://ladyofthursday.tumblr.com) for helping me out, and please send lots of love to my artist [ricketyjukeboxer](http://ricketyjukeboxer.tumblr.com) for the awesome art <3
> 
> Come visit me on tumblr [@jhoomwrites](http://jhoomwrites.tumblr.com) and enjoy the story :)

Charlie was standing on her coffee table, bouncing as she enthusiastically lead the countdown. There was still a whole minute left until the official start of New Year’s, but Charlie was clearly undeterred. She’d been talking about throwing this party since the lame work one they’d been stuck attending last year, so Dean definitely admired her spirit.

“Wanna head to the balcony?” Even leaning over, he had to shout to make sure Cas heard him over all the noise. “Might be quieter.”

Cas nodded as he wryly held up the noise maker Charlie had given him moments ago.

_“Fifty-one, fifty!”_

If Dean grabbed Cas’ hand to help lead him through the crowd, it was only because it was easier. It wasn’t because Dean was a little drunk and not as good at restraining himself.

He meant to let go once they were outside in the frosty city air, but now the cold was offering him the perfect excuse. Gotta stay warm, right? Not like Cas was letting go either…

_“Thirty-eight, thirty-seven…”_

“You got any New Year’s resolutions you gonna make?” His breath clung to the air. He could feel the cold in his gums, and he briefly considered going back inside. Braving the cold was worth getting Cas to himself, so he stayed put.

“The usual,” Cas said. “Run at least one marathon this year. Maybe two if I stay healthy.”

“Pssh, Cas, you’re doing it wrong. Your resolution’s not supposed to be something you’re gonna do anyway. It’s supposed to be something ridiculous that you can brag about for a few weeks before you lose interest.”

“So what’s yours?”

“Gonna learn how to paint.”

_“Twenty-two, twenty-one, twenty!”_

Between the alcohol and the beautiful cityscape before them, peppered with snowflakes and all aglow for New Year’s, Dean was feeling a little reckless.

“You mind if I kiss you?” Dean asked as he looked down at Cas’ lips. Chapped as always, but so damn tempting… “Y’know. For uh… for New Year’s. When the ball drops.”

Cas swallowed and Dean watched his adam’s apple bob. He wanted to sink his teeth into the meat of Cas’ neck and claim him right then and there. Not the first time he’s had that thought about his best friend, but it was especially hard to ignore the temptation right now. He knew he should’ve stopped after that third beer…

“Okay.”

_“Ten, nine, eight…”_

“Yeah?” Dean perked up, unable to hide his excitement.

“It’s tradition, isn’t it? Wouldn’t want to break with tradition.”

“Nope, we sure wouldn’t.”

“Especially not with my inadequate New Year’s Resolution.”

“Yeah, you should probably try to cover your bases, just in case.”

_“Three, two, one…”_

The apartment erupted into cheers and a cacophony of party poppers and noise makers. Dean barely heard it, his heart was beating too loudly.

Cas leaned in a little and Dean forgot all about the chill. His world was nothing but blue eyes and the soft brush of lips…

They broke apart shortly after. He’d never felt drunker in his life, but he was pretty sure it wasn’t just the alcohol at this point. Oh no no no, it was something way more powerful than that.

He’d done it. After all these years, he’d kissed Cas.

The last thing he clearly remembered from that night was leaning in for another taste…

~ ~ ~

Dean had a huge hangover when he woke up back at his and Cas’ apartment the next day. They’d both managed to make it to their own beds, so he figured it hadn’t gone beyond a friendly New Year’s kiss.

Shame, but not much of a surprise.

Cas didn’t date and he certainly didn’t sleep around. Not once in the five years they’d been living together had Cas ever expressed _interest_ in even casual dating, so why rock the boat? They had a good thing going as friends and roommates, and it wasn’t worth jeopardizing that with Dean’s stupid crush.

Dean considered himself lucky to have gotten that one kiss, and it’d just have to stay at that.

 _If Cas brings it up, we can talk about it,_ he thought as he started making coffee. _If he doesn’t, then what’s the point? It was just drunken fun._

And water under the bridge. New Year’s had been nearly a month ago. No need to bring it back up.

The coffee tasted more bitter than usual, but he figured it’d do the trick just fine. He poured a mug for himself and one for Cas, pouring in some extra sugar for his own and leaving Cas’ black. Cas wasn’t much of a morning person and his only real concern was that the coffee contained caffeine. Anything else was an unnecessary detail.

“Morning sunshine,” Dean said brightly when Cas appeared a few minutes later. He was dressed, but still obviously half asleep. “C’mon, buddy. How many times I gotta fix your tie for you?”

Cas grunted and downed half his coffee, though he let Dean fix his tie and straighten his collar.

“Thank you.” He gave Dean a once over and frowned. “Why aren’t you dressed? It’s Monday isn’t it?”

“I’m working from home today.”

“Then why are you _up_?” Cas looked at Dean like there was something wrong with him. “It’s not even seven am. Why would you willingly choose to be conscious?”

“Certainly not to talk to your cheery ass, apparently.” His laptop was already set up on the dining room table, his preferred place to work because inevitably all his papers and files spread out to take over the whole room. Mug in hand, he took a seat and booted it up. “I get started early, I get done early. If I’m quick, I might get done in time to go for a drive through the city before rush hour picks up.”

Cas in no way looked like he thought that was a reasonable plan. “Well, I hope you have a productive day, then.”

“Thanks Cas.”

Dean pretended to fiddle around on his computer until Cas was gone, mostly taking it as an opportunity to watch the omega be adorably agitated at his own trenchcoat and briefcase for not cooperating with him.

For a while Dean had lamented that they didn’t work together. He’d even managed to secure Cas an interview at Sandover, but Cas had gone with a smaller company instead. Now, though, Dean understood it was for the best. Having Cas around him at the apartment could be trying enough on his resolve, but if they carpooled _and_ worked together, no way Dean would survive that.

_C’est la vie._

_Stop whining. You got a good thing going here. Forget the crush, get to work, and keep your eyes on the prize, Winchester. Your annual review’s coming up—you want that promotion or what?_

Properly motivated, Dean drowned out all thoughts that weren’t strictly Sandover-related. Not that it did much good. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t make any real progress. He’d gotten halfway through a report only to realize he’d completely forgotten to include the budget projections for next year. Which meant _everything he’d done_ for the past hour was garbage.

It took another thirty minutes of stewing in his own itchy skin, short temper, and blurry eyes before he realized he was in the beginning stages of his rut.

“Fuck,” he growled and slammed the laptop shut. Getting more work done was pointless; if he even tried, he’d probably have to redo everything in a few days when he was over it. “Fucking _fuck_.”

He had a new account he wanted to close, he had reports to get done, he had a million things he’d hoped to get done today when he could actually focus without his stupid coworkers talking his ears off, and now he had an early rut to deal with.

At least he was at home and he didn’t have to try driving back through the city. Guess he should be thankful for small miracles.

Stubborn as ever, Dean tried to power through. He ignored the harder work that required more concentration and instead focused on more menial tasks that he normally avoided like the plague. There was no way he was walking away from this day without _something_ to show for it.

Hours passed like that, with Dean ignoring his increasingly hard cock and flaring nerves. He’d once taken two of his finals while at the peak of his rut, he could do _this_.

He lost track of the time until he heard keys in the lock. Blinking, he realized he’d actually survived all the way to six. When he got to his room later, he was going to reward himself by locking the door and using his best toys.

But first he had to clear out before he got a whiff of Cas. Between the self-denial and his raging hormones, he’d only end up embarrassing himself and making his roommate uncomfortable for no reason. Stacking his papers onto his laptop, Dean hurriedly tried to clean up—

“Dean?”

Dean froze. Cas always smelt delicious—bananas and whipped cream with a hint of honey that often had Dean’s mouth watering—but today it was even sweeter than usual. Today it smelled like pure sex, luring Dean in and tempting him into taking a few steps forward before he could catch himself and stay firmly rooted with the table between them.

“Heya Cas.” Maybe if he breathed through his mouth, the smell wouldn’t be so strong. “How was work?”

“Awful.” Cas practically dumped his briefcase on the floor and tore off his trenchcoat, suit jacket, and tie all in quick succession. “Heat. Hit me halfway through a meeting. Need a cold bath. Dinner?”

Shit.

This never happened. Their heats and ruts were always a few days off of each other’s, one starting just as the other’s ended. It’d always been useful, since one of them always had a clear head to make sure the other one ate and drank enough. And admittedly he’d liked being taken care of by Cas and in turn getting a chance to take care the omega.

Now they were both fucked.

“I’ll order something,” he offered. They’d need to eat, and neither was in the right state to cook. He could call a service that would collect enough food to last them a few days.

Cas grunted in acknowledgement before heading disappearing down the hall.

They’d never had to deal with this before, but they’d manage. Determined not to be completely useless, Dean took care of food and finished cleaning up. Cas loved cold baths when he was in heat when his skin was over sensitive and needed to cool down, so that bought Dean some time. Time to get the hell out of dodge before Cas reappeared, all _wet_ and _delicious_ and too damn tempting for his own good.

As soon as he could, Dean rushed to the end of the hallway and locked himself in his room. At the very least he needed to jerk off so he could relieve some pressure and have an almost level head for when the food arrived.

He hadn’t bothered changing out of his sweatpants, so it was easy to push the soft fabric aside and get a hand on his aching cock. The first few strokes were tentative, then he immediately sped up. This wasn’t for fun—he’d have plenty of time for that later—this was something he had to get out of the way. Cas needed him to be somewhat functioning to take care of the food—

Cas.

Cas was in heat.

Cas was _two doors down_. _Naked_.

Cas could be jerking off _at this very moment_.

Fingers pushing into his hole, the way eased by slick and water, his other hand would tease his cock. He’d lean back against the porcelain, neck exposed in invitation to any alpha who might be willing to help him. Who’d take care of him in _every_ way he needed.

Dean came far quicker than he expected, come soaking his carpet and hand. It wasn’t nearly as satisfying as he’d hoped, but it should do the trick. Now he’d have to change clothes, too. Great.

_Has he ever thought about me when he’s in heat?_

“You’re gettin’ sappy in your old age,” he scolded himself. “Thinkin’ your friends been pining after you just ‘cuz you’ve been pining after them.”

When the delivery service dropped off everything, Dean called down the hallway to Cas. Hopefully the bath had helped dilute some of the smell of Cas’ heat. Dean would probably faint on the spot if he caught even a trace of Cas’ slick right now.

_Focus, Winchester. Take care of the food, survive eating it, then hide in your room._

“Thank goodness,” Cas sighed in relief behind him. Dean pointedly didn’t turn around. He did _not_ need to see Cas’ damp hair or the omega barely concealed in his robe. “I’m starving.”

Dean continued putting the groceries away, lining them up in the order he thought they’d need them. Snacks to one side, pre-prepared meals on the other, Gatorade on the counter—

“Dean!” Cas gasped as he tried to pass by to grab a drink of water. “You’re in rut.”

“Yep,” he grit out.

“I—I didn’t realize. Dean, you don’t have to take care of me right now. I know you’re probably wanting to sleep or—or—” Cas audibly swallowed, and Dean knew _exactly_ what Cas thought Dean wanted to do.

He wasn’t exactly wrong, either.

“It’s fine.” He finally forced himself to turn around and offer a weak smile at Cas. _Messy hair and bathrobe, of fucking course._ “It ain’t that bad yet.”

“Even so, thank you.”

“No problem.”

They ate together, picking through all the offerings until they each found something. It was tense, and getting more so by the moment. Dean had no idea what smells he was giving off, but he had to bury his nose in his meal to keep the smell of Cas’ slick from overpowering his senses.

“This is ridiculous,” Cas groaned as he all but slammed down his fork. “I can’t smell anything over the smell of our arousal.”

“Sorry, I—”

“There’s no need to apologize. We’re _both_ ridiculously wound up and… and I think maybe…” Cas closed his eyes to ground himself before staring right at Dean. “I’m in heat, you’re in rut… It makes sense to maybe help each other out.”

While he was pretty sure there was no other way to interpret what Cas said other than as a proposition, Dean’s brain short circuited and all he could do was blink stupidly.

“You mean like—like _sex_? With each other?”

A flicker of disappointment flashed across Cas’ face before he turned away. “Never mind. If you’re not interested—”

“Whoa whoa whoa, I did _not_ say I wasn’t interested. I’m interested. I’m just… surprised? This hasn’t ever come up before in the past few years—”

“Because we’ve never had our cycles sync up. But we’re both looking for relief right now, and we’re both in a position to help each other out without one of us feeling guilty that we were taking advantage. We’re each getting what we need out of this arrangement.”

“So like… I scratch your back, you scratch my back? Except instead of back scratching, it’s heat/rut sex?”

Cas shrugged. “Essentially, yes.”

Nothing had tested Dean’s willpower more in his life than listening to Cas offer casual sex. Because on the one hand, he’d dreamed of getting a chance with Cas. Cas had slowly become his ideal partner over the years, and it wasn’t likely he’d change his opinion on that. But on the other hand, Cas was offering something temporary. Something to tide them over the swell of hormones rushing through them, and then it’d be back to business as usual.

So basically… enjoy the best few days of his life knowing he’ll never get it back, or spend the rest of his life wondering what it’d be like to even have that much.

It was obvious which one he’d choose.

“Yeah, Cas. We can do that. Your room or mine?”


	2. The Job

_“That good, Cas?” Dean shifted the angle of his hips, trying to find a better way to hit Cas’ prostate._

_“A little more- **yes**!” Cas gasped and bucked against Dean, back arching and making him look absolutely obscene. “Oh, like that. Keep doing that...”_

_If Dean could do this forever, he would._

_“Course, sweetheart. Whatever you want…”_

Dean woke up from a pleasant dream, hard and aching and really fucking annoyed that he was _alone_. It might’ve only been three days, but Dean got real spoiled waking up next to Cas. Never mind how good it’d feel to roll over and press into his tight, slick heat…

After a quick glance at his alarm clock, Dean tried to do the math to see if he had time to jerk off _and_ shower before work. Then his sleep rattled brain helpfully supplied an image of a warm shower and a wet omega, dark hair bobbing up and down and blue eyes looking up at him through the spray.

Looked like he’d be jerking off in the shower this morning.

He always felt guilty when he did that. Not the shower thing. The shower had long been his refuge for privacy having grown up in a small house and sharing a bedroom with his younger brother. By the time he’d graduated high school, he was quick and efficient when it came to getting himself off during his morning showers.

No, all the guilt came from thinking about Cas while he teased his knot and worked up a lather as he stroked himself. It wasn’t fair to use Cas like that, even if the omega never found out about Dean’s fantasies. It felt a little like taking advantage.

It also felt _amazing_.

Plus it was a tad harder to feel guilty now that they’d actually slept together. Cas had been an enthusiastic partner despite his inexperience, living up to and surpassing every dirty fantasy Dean had ever had. It’d been by far the best rut Dean had ever spent with someone, and it’d added _tons_ of new images to his spank bank. Who knew Cas was so bendy?

It had to be okay now, right? Cas was the one who brought it up after all…

Okay, so the guilt wasn’t exactly gone, but it was at least easier to justify doing it.

As the shower stall heated up, Dean allowed his mind to wander to pleasant thoughts of his favorite omega and all the things they did together a few weeks ago. Soon he was coming, a shiver shooting through him as he remembered just how beautiful Cas looked when he came.

And when he slept, sated from sex.

And when he laughed at Dean’s cheesy jokes between spikes in their cycles.

And when he grumpily ate the energy bars even though he wanted a “real meal.”

Basically, Castiel was breathtakingly gorgeous all the time. Not exactly a newsflash, but Dean was pleased that he’d gotten new glimpses into Cas beyond what he let everyone else see. Cas had never shared his heat with _anyone_ but Dean and Dean couldn’t help but feel a little special.

If Dean was really lucky, maybe their cycles would stay synced up for another rut or two. Or at least be more likely to match up. The worst part about getting to sleep with Cas was knowing it was over. With a little luck, there could be another shared heat/rut cycle in their future.

_When have you **ever** been that lucky, Winchester?_

_Well maybe this is my year. I thought I was lucky to get that kiss, and now this? Maybe there’s more Cas coming my way…_

Except in the weeks since that fateful heat/rut, Cas hadn’t said anything. It was one hundred percent business as usual. Dean had woken up with the last traces of his rut gone, only to find his bed empty and Cas in the shower. After that, they’d gotten breakfast and talked about almost everything _except_ the fact that they’d had sex. If he couldn’t distinctly remember the feel of his cock in Cas’ ass, Dean would’ve thought he’d imagined the whole thing.

It wasn’t unexpected, either. Dean had gone into it assuming it was temporary. Didn’t mean it didn’t hurt. And maybe it worried him a bit. Right now things seemed fine, but what if this ended up ruining their friendship later down the road? What if there was something Cas wasn’t telling him?

“Morning, Dean.”

Dean smiled brightly at his secretary. He’d been so in his own head this morning, he hadn’t really realized he’d gotten all the way to work.

“Morning, Becky. What’s on the agenda today?”

“Meetings, meetings, and what’s that? Oh yeah, more meetings.” Becky rolled her eyes as she handed him a hard copy of his schedule. All the other people in his department had gone completely digital, but Dean liked being able to make notes on actual paper. There was something so damn satisfying about being able to actually cross off a completed meeting.

“Yaay,” Dean said with fake enthusiasm. At least they didn’t look too bad. The Chambers account was his bread and butter, and he liked meeting with their company. There was the MacLeod account, which was always a fun one. Weird, but fun. And then right before lunch— “Wait, why is Adler penciled in?”

Becky continued typing away at her computer, not looking up. “Because he wanted to meet with you.”

“... Okay, I figured that, but _why_?”

Had he done something wrong? Almost every meeting with Adler was because someone had messed up or because he was snooping to see if someone _had_ messed up. Five years at Sandover, and Dean still hadn’t had a positive interaction with the man. Worse, Dean had to play nice; Adler was technically his boss, at least in practice, so it wasn’t like Dean could brush him off.

“Beats me. His idea of talking to secretaries is staring at my chest, smiling at me with too much teeth, and talking to me like I’m five.”

Dean cursed under his breath. “Sorry, you don’t deserve that—”

“I know I don’t. And I’ve talked to HR about it, so don’t worry your pretty alpha head about trying to defend your weak omega secretary.”

“Okay, but if you need me to back you up—”

“I won’t, but I’ll let you know.” She smiled at Dean. “Seriously, boss, I’m good. You worry about yourself. I don’t want to be out of a job because you got fired.”

“Har har.”

… He really hoped he wasn’t getting fired. Not that he couldn’t get another job, but he’d put in a lot of time at Sandover. It’d suck to lose that seniority and have to start over somewhere new.

Most of his day, he was able to put his meeting with Adler out of his mind. His regular workload kept him busy, his meetings went well, plus he was meeting up with Charlie for lunch. No matter what Adler had to say, there was nothing that could stress him out when everything else was going right.

“May as well get it over with.” There were still fifteen minutes before he was supposed to be in Adler’s office, but he’d rather get in and out as quickly as possible. No point dragging it out. “Becky, you mind holding my calls while I go upstairs?”

“Sure, boss. Good luck.”

Admittedly, the walk to Adler’s office felt twice as long as usual. It wasn’t so much nerves as curiosity that made time move slower. His mind conjured absurd scenarios that might explain why he was getting called for a meeting. Maybe he’d finally heard the office gossip about how poorly he dressed and he wanted pointers from Dean. Or he wanted to tweak his diet and exercise routine for maximum efficiency and needed help. It was pointless, but at least entertaining.

“You wanted to see me?” Dean asked as Adler’s secretary waved him in.

“Winchester!” Adler stepped forward for a handshake that was about twice as hard as necessary. “How’s it all the way down on the tenth floor?”

Adler was on the eleventh.

“Good.” Short and to the point was always the best strategy for dealing with Adler; if you gave him a topic to latch onto, he’d never shut up. “What can I do for you?”

“A lot, hopefully.” Adler gestured to the empty seat across from his desk and Dean sat down, adjusting his tie and jacket as he did. Adler’s chair was ridiculously large, a leather monstrosity that couldn’t possibly be comfortable. “I’ve got a new position that I think you’d be perfect for.”

“Oh.” A promotion? Awesome. “What is it?”

“Head of Marketing. Comes with a decent raise, too. Can even get you a company car if you fancy giving up that muscle car for something greener.”

Dean’s initial excitement quickly changed to confusion. “Wait, aren’t _you_ Head of Marketing?”

“Right you are. Knew you were sharp.” Instead of answering right away, Adler laughed. Dean waited patiently for an actual explanation. “Well, obviously I’m not offering you _my_ job. A position has opened up in another branch because of a retirement. We’ve all been asked to go through our staff and find out who we think would be able to handle the job. And _you_ are Sandover’s first choice.”

Adler smiled widely, as if he were handing Dean the best gift he could dream up.

Dean sat there quietly, an uneasy feeling settling in his gut.

“Which branch?” he asked. The closest Sandover branch was in Pittsburgh, which wasn’t terrible. Only a few hours away. That was workable. He could still see Cas on the weekends. If the pay was good enough, maybe he could even keep his room in the apartment for when he visited. They were usually pretty busy during the week, anyway. This wouldn’t have to change that much.

“Oh, you’re gonna like this.” He leaned in for dramatic effect before declaring, “ _Brussels_.”

“Belgium?” Dean choked. “Like… not America?”

“Last I checked, there weren’t too many Brussels, Ohio’s out there.” Adler looked on the verge of retracting all the praise he’d given Dean. Instead he kept going. “So what do you say? Fancy title, lots of money, exotic European city? It’s a huge opportunity. You pull this job for a few years, you can have your pick of branches here or overseas.”

It _definitely_ was a huge opportunity. Now that Dean’s brain had wrapped around the whole Belgium thing, he recalled all the facts and figures from that branch’s reports. They lead the Sandover holdings in the European market, not just in revenue but in prestige and influence. Dean had _dreamed_ of getting this high on the ladder, but not for another few years from now. Maybe never, actually.

This was A Big Deal.

… And Dean’s answer isn’t an immediate and enthusiastic yes.

“Wow,” Dean said. “Thank you. For the offer and even just the consideration. But this is a huge decision, can I have some time to sleep on it?”

Adler shrugged, no more distressed than if Dean had declined an offer of coffee. He had all the confidence of a man who knew the value of what he was offering and the ambition of the man he was offering it to.

“You can have until Monday, but I suspect you’ll be calling me tonight with a firm yes. I’ll have my secretary forward you all the details so you can take a closer look. Make sure we’re paying you what you’re worth.”

Dean couldn’t focus on anything else Adler said after that. Something about booking a flight to tour the office. Or maybe something about his passport, Dean wasn’t sure. He wasn’t even sure how he got back to his desk, but here he was, staring at a memo from Adler titled _Sign on the Dotted Line, Champ!_

Dean read over the email three times before he finally gave up and went to lunch. Double his current salary. Full cost of moving covered. Company car. Company apartment in Brussels if he needed it. Tons of days off and a generous flight budget to fly himself back to the US for holidays. And that wasn’t even taking into account how good it would look on his resume to have this job on there. Forget working at any Sandover branch he wanted, he could work at any company he wanted to, period.

The more he thought about it, the better an opportunity it seemed to be.

… So what was holding him back?

“Oh my god, go for it!” Charlie’s excitement had her spitting out carrot pieces. She grabbed a napkin but kept gushing. “ _Brussels?_ And you don’t have to report to Adler anymore? How are you even hesitating on this? If you don’t take this job, I will!”

“... You work IT.”

“So? Fake it til you make it, bucco.” She must’ve seen some of his uncertainty because the teasing tone left her voice. “Seriously, what’s keeping you in Columbus?”

_My heart._

“I dunno, I just feel like this is a huge life change and I’d regret it if I at least didn’t think about it for twenty four hours.”

“That’s fair. But c’mon, this is the biggest of deals. Never mind that if you turn this down, who knows when you’ll have another chance at a position like this. You get an opportunity like this, you gotta pounce on it.”

“So you’re saying I should go for it?”

“I’m saying you should strongly consider it. I’m serious, this would be good for you. And yeah, you might get homesick for your lovely American friends, but if you could move from Kansas to Ohio, you can move to Belgium. And if you can deal with Sam living in California, I don’t think it much matters where you are.”

All of those were reasonable points.

Didn’t change the fact that the idea of moving made him a little sick to the stomach. Just thinking about moving away from Cas made him homesick.

“Tell me when you decide, okay?” Charlie asked. “And know I totally support your decision, whatever you choose.”

“Sure. And thanks.”

“No problem.” Her grin turned mischievous. “Think they do LARPing in Belgium?”

“I feel like if I’m moving to another country, my first concern should be learning the language. I think I’d need more to get by than ‘voulez-vous coucher avec moi’ and ‘frere jacques.’”

Charlie cackled. “Oh please please _please_ don’t learn any French until you get there so you can try and make it around Brussels with those two phrases. You know they also speak Dutch, right? You’re _screwed_.”

“I hate you.”

“You love me.”

“Ugh, I hate it when you’re right.”


	3. The Secret

Castiel only noticed something was wrong because of an offhand comment Dean made one morning.

“You smell funny.”

“I do?” Cas stopped abruptly and sniffed at his arms. Scenting oneself wasn’t easy, but surely he’d be able to detect something unusual? But no, nothing. “How?”

“Dunno.” Dean continued packing up his briefcase. “Different. Got a new shampoo or something?”

“No,” Castiel said with a frown.

“Well, maybe you ate something weird that’s messing with your scent. I’ll see you tonight at Charlie’s for board games?”

“You’re not stopping by the apartment first?”

“Nah, I got a ton of work to do. I’m heading straight from the office.”

The conversation, though strange, didn’t make a huge impression on Cas. He forgot it almost immediately after when he arrived at work. It wasn’t until a week or so later that he remembered it, and only because he kept getting more and more comments about his scent. His boss said it was sweeter. The barista at his favorite café said it was tangier. His office mate didn’t say anything, but Castiel caught her sniffing curiously when he walked by.

The point was, more and more people were commenting that it had changed. Then there the strange food cravings. The slight nausea periodically throughout the day. The way his stress would instantly melt away the moment he got a whiff of Dean’s distinct alpha scent… There was only so much he could brush off before he started to grow concerned.

One Thursday afternoon, he left work early. He stopped by a pharmacy and purchased a pregnancy test. He kept telling himself this was an overreaction. Things were fine. The chances of him being pregnant were minimal. His mind was playing tricks on him and taking this test would set his fears at ease.

Even so, instead of heading home, he drove to Hannah’s place and almost immediately barricaded himself in her bathroom. If anyone was going to help him keep his head on straight while he dealt with this, it’d be his stepsister.

“Although I appreciate the visit,” she called through the door, “may I ask what this is about?”

“We’ll talk in a minute,” he called back as he paced back and forth in the small room. In one and a half minutes, actually, at least according to the directions. Hopefully the test would show… what exactly?

Did he want a pup? He surely wasn’t opposed to the idea, especially not if it was with Dean. A pup with Dean’s eyes and freckles and smile—

_Dean’s not your mate. Having a pup with him would drastically alter your relationship, and not necessarily for the better._

_… But not necessarily for the worse, either._

“Do I smell different to you?” he asked to pass the time. He checked his watch; still another forty seconds.

“How am I supposed to tell through a door?”

“... Good point.”

A pause. “You still haven’t opened it.”

“... I know.”

Ten seconds later, the timer on his phone buzzed. He gave himself an extra ten just to calm his nerves. There was nothing on that test he couldn’t handle, with or without Dean if it came to that. He could do this.

He picked up the test.

“I can’t be…” he mumbled. There, clear as day, were two blue lines.

Fuck.

“Oh no, what’s wrong?” Hannah asked in alarm when he finally came out of the bathroom.

“I’m pregnant.”

He’d done another three tests just to be sure, using up the whole box. The results were all the same.

Hannah looked aghast. “You’re _what_?”

“Pregnant,” Cas huffed. “Is it really that bad?”

This was unexpected to say the least, but he needed Hannah’s support on this. The only thing keeping him from full on freaking out, from hyperventilating and shutting down or doing something foolish like quitting his job and moving back into their mother’s house for support, was the hope that Hannah would be the rational one.

“What? No, let me start over.” Hannah straightened herself up and pulled him into a hug. “I’m excited for you and I’m absolutely here for you… I’m just surprised. I didn’t realize you were seeing anyone.” She pulled back but kept him at arm’s length, squeezing his shoulders. “Was it Dean?”

“How did you—?” he sputtered for a moment, unable to hide his embarrassment and feeling a blush heat up his cheeks.

“Castiel.” Her tone was severe though not unkind. “Who else could it possibly be? Have you not been secretly in love with Dean for the past nine years?”

“No!” he said defensively. “It hasn’t been _that_ long.”

While he’d certainly known Dean for nine or ten years, he’d only realized he felt that way for Dean shortly after moving in together five years ago. Though he supposed it was entirely possible he’d fallen for Dean at any point before that…

“Uh huh.” Hannah seemed unconvinced, but she dropped it. “Didn’t you use condoms?”

_“Does it feel better without condoms?” Cas asked before moaning as Dean sunk into him again. He’d never get enough of that feeling._

_“Honestly?” Dean grunted as he started to thrust in and out. “No idea. Never… never actually… Always used ‘em…”_

_It was too bad. Castiel wanted very much to feel Dean’s come leaking from him, but it was probably for the best. With both of them in heat/rut, it was too risky **not** to use them._

“Of course we did,” Cas growled. What was the point if this was going to happen anyway? They could’ve—

_You couldn’t have known at the time. You were being safe._

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to imply anything. I’m not being a very supportive sister about this, am I?”

“No, you’re fine. It’s a shock to the system. _I’m_ surprised, but at least I knew I’d slept with Dean. This is all out of left field for you.”

“Want me to make you some tea?”

Cas’ shoulders slumped. “Would you?”

“Of course.” With a gentle hand around his back, she lead him into the kitchen. After a dejected sigh, Cas followed her.

“So,” she said as she filled the kettle, “why are you here with me instead of at your apartment with Dean?”

“Because then Dean would _know_. Even if it’d been negative, he’d know I’d thought it was a possibility. I didn’t want this to change anything between us.”

Hannah stared pointedly at Castiel. “Well, looks like it’s too late for that.”

“Right.” He ran his fingers through his hair and resisted the urge to pull. “What do I do?”

“Well, I’d probably start by telling Dean.” She poured two steaming mugs and dropped in the tea bags to let them steep. “Depending on how that goes, you might also want to confess that you’re in love with him and would very much like to raise this pup with him.”

His heart fluttered at that, his hand automatically going to his belly. He wasn’t showing, obviously, and there was no way to tell anything was any different except that he _knew_ it was, but the movement seemed natural. He and Dean were having a pup. Together. Soon.

“You think Dean would be open to that?”

“Oh no no, you are _not_ allowed to let me put words in Dean’s mouth. I have no idea what he’ll say. He’s _your_ best friend, not mine. That being said…” The tea distracted her for a moment, and Cas waited with baited breath for what she might say. “That being said, I’ve always thought Dean held a candle for you. He adores you, that much is clear, and there seemed to be something romantic about it.”

It was exactly what he wanted to hear, and Cas allowed himself a moment to believe it. That Dean’s face would break out into a huge grin when he heard the news. He’d ask to mate Cas and make it official, proudly tell all their friends and family that they were going to have a pup in before the year was over.

The illusion shattered. He dare not give into it yet, not until he’d seen Dean’s reaction. It was a _possible_ scenario, not a guaranteed or even likely one.

“I hope you’re right. How should I tell him?”

Hannah wrinkled her nose. “Not in one of those ‘cutesy’ ways you see all over Facebook. Just tell him. The sooner the better. Maybe over dinner?”

Cas checked his watch. There were still a few hours before he expected Dean at the apartment. He could stop by the grocery store, make them a nice meal, and soften the blow by telling Dean over pie.

“Thank you, Hannah. I think that’s what I’ll do.”

“Let me know how it goes. And remember, I’m here for you, whatever you need.”

\- - - -

All his life, Cas has avoided romantic entanglements, and now he’d accidentally found himself in the most cliché one of all: secretly in love with his best friend and pregnant with his pup. The whole time he made dinner, that was all he could think about. Well either that or worry about Dean’s reaction.

He knew Dean liked kids and wanted some of his own someday. He knew Dean would be supportive in any way he could, both emotionally and financially. What he didn’t know worried him more: would Dean truly be okay with having a pup with Castiel? Would their friendship survive? Would they be able to transition to something more?

Hope was dangerous; he’d done his best to quash his hopes ever since his heat ended. The most he considered was another shared heat/rut in the future. Romance seemed unlikely, since Dean had never made any indication that he was interested in Castiel. Even the sex Castiel assumed was more out of convenience than anything else. Dean still hadn’t brought it up, confirming Castiel’s fears.

So Castiel tried to walk the middle road. Dean would be surprised and perhaps even a twinge disappointed, but he would be there for Cas. He wouldn’t storm out, he wouldn’t get upset, and he wouldn’t blame Cas. They were in it together… even if it ended up straining their relationship.

The apartment door opened and Cas nearly dropped the plates.

Shit. It was stressful enough thinking about this without Dean actually here. Now the clock was really ticking on having to _tell_ Dean.

“Hey Cas, I’m home!” Dean called.

“In the dining room, Dean.” Thankfully his voice remained steady. Mostly.

Dean rounded the corner and sniffed the air. “What’s that smell?”

Cas froze, but then immediately forced himself to relax. He wasn’t talking about Cas, he was talking about the food.

“I made dinner. Steak and broccoli, plus I picked up pie for dessert.”

“Damn, best best friend ever. What’s the occasion?”

_Our lives changing forever._

“Felt like having a nice home cooked meal.”

“Sweet. Well, I’m not gonna complain. You need help—?”

“No, take a seat. I’m almost done.”

The food was already out on the table, but Cas took some time to clean up a bit and pour drinks. He couldn’t help but drag things out. He’d have to face Dean… but delaying it a few more minutes couldn’t hurt.

With a grounding breath, he joined Dean at the table.

“How was work?” he asked as he took a seat. It seemed neutral enough territory, something that would help calm his nerves as they fell back into their usual routine.

“Good,” Dean replied automatically, then frowned. “Shit, uh… Something happened, actually.”

“New client?”

Dean frowned.

“New coworker?”

His frown deepened.

“... New copy machine?”

Dean stabbed his steak a little harder than necessary. “Nope. I got promoted. Kind of.”

“Promotions are usually a good thing. People don’t try to murder their dinner when good things happen.”

“Right.” Dean laughed humorlessly, and Cas started to worry. Maybe tonight wasn’t the best night to have this conversation, not if Dean was upset about work. Cas didn’t want anything to taint the news and make either of them say or do something they’d regret.

After pushing his broccoli around on his plate, Dean huffed in frustration. “So this promotion, it’s pretty good. All sorts of benefits and great pay and an awesome title. They want me to be Director of Marketing, and you know how hard I’ve been working towards getting any sort of recognition, never mind something this _big_. This is huge. This is… this is the chance of a lifetime…”

“... But?” Cas prompted when Dean trailed off.

“... But it’s in Europe.”

“Europe?”

“Yeah. Brussels.”

“Brussels?”

Cas felt numb. This couldn’t be happening. Only an hour ago he’d been convinced he and Dean were going to happily raise a pup together, and now Dean was moving overseas?

_I could go with you,_ he almost blurted out, but he bit his tongue. He would go anywhere Dean was, if that’s what Dean wanted, but it seemed very presumptuous to assume Dean would _want_ him. Even with a pup on the way, it was one too many life altering changes at once.

“Do you plan on accepting?” Cas asked once he was sure his mouth wouldn’t betray him. “Or have you already—?”

“No no no, I haven’t. I told them I need time to think it over. It’s a huge deal, right?”

“It is,” Cas said carefully. “So if you haven’t accepted, what’s holding you back?”

Dean fidgeted and wouldn’t meet Cas’ eye. “I dunno. I don’t really wanna move. I like it here.”

“Would it be permanent?”

“Semi-permanent, probably. I’d be there a few years at least, then if I do well there I could get another job somewhere else. Either at Sandover or with another company. Pretty much _any_ company, anywhere.”

A few years. Dean was moving away for _a few years_.

_He hasn’t said yes. He might stay._

_Why would he stay? His only complaint is that he likes it here. He’ll like it there, too._

They weren’t mated, Dean was under no obligation to stay with him. And this was an outstanding career opportunity for him. Dean thought it’d be _years_ before he could work up to Head of Marketing, and now the position had landed right in his lap. It was terribly selfish of him to even consider holding Dean back.

If he told Dean about the pup, it’d bias his decision. He’d do the honorable thing and stay here. Cas’ family was here, their entire support network was here, there’d be no talking Dean into leaving.

Castiel would _not_ become a regret for Dean.

And perhaps, if he were being completely honest with himself, he feared the rejection that he’d face if he told Dean about the pup. The only thing worse than Dean staying because of him was leaving in spite of their pup.

“Well I think you should take the job. I think you’ll regret it if you don’t.”

Dean’s expression darkened. “Yeah, that’s what Charlie said.”

“Well can you think of any reasons to stay?”

“What, you’re not gonna miss me?”

_More than you know._

“Dean,” he scoffed. “Of course I’ll miss you. But you can’t base your entire career on whether or not your friends will miss you. You moved to Columbus despite it being so far away from Sam. I think we’re good enough friends that our friendship will survive over Skype and across an ocean.”

“‘Course it will—”

“Then I’ll ask again. Do you have any reason to stay?”

They sat there in awkward silence for a moment.

“No,” Dean admitted. “I guess not.”

Cas reached over to put a hand on Dean’s shoulder, squeezing gently. “Then I think you’ve made your decision.”

“Yeah. Yeah I guess so.” Dean scratched at his nose and aside from a reassuring smile, he avoided Cas’ eye. Cas wanted to ask why Dean was so upset, but he feared what he’d find out. “I should call Adler and tell him I’m in. They probably wanna get the ball rolling on this.”

“Do you think you’d leave soon?” _Before my scent really changes and I start to show…_

“Dunno. Guess I’ll find out. Hey, you mind if I call him now? Wanna get this out of the way.”

“Go ahead, Dean. I’ll get dessert ready.”

“Thanks, Cas.”

Cas hid in the kitchen while Dean called his boss; he was determined _not_ to cry.

He did anyway.

 


	4. Life Without Dean

Castiel thanked his lucky stars everyday that Dean’s transfer took him out of Columbus well before Cas started to show. Within a month he was gone, and then Cas could focus on the pup.

… And getting over Dean.

Although he made vague promises to Dean that he’d find a new roommate to help cover the rent, Cas immediately went to work fixing it up for the pup.

His initial plan was to spray down the whole apartment and remove Dean’s scent, but when he called a service to set up an appointment, he couldn’t bring himself to go through with it. He loved Dean’s scent too much to purposely get rid of it. If it faded on its own over time, well, there was nothing Cas could do about that, but he wouldn’t willfully take away the last lingering reminder of his pup’s alpha.

_Yes,_ he told himself. _It’s for the pup._

~~It wasn’t.~~

He had Dean’s things put into storage and converted his bedroom into a nursery. He picked a light green with golden accents, colors that in no way reminded him of Dean’s eyes, and picked out circus themed decor. None of the furniture aside from the rocking chair had arrived yet, but he was pleased with the progress so far. He knew exactly where the crib and the changing table would go, and later on where the toy box would be.

Decorating was fun; packing up was hard. Seeing Dean’s things disappear into boxes, it made it seem like a chapter in his life was very clearly over. Each time he wrapped something in paper, Cas felt himself tracing the edges and getting lost in old memories. This was the snowglobe Dean got on their first road trip together. That was a painting Sam had gotten him for his birthday. These were the records Dean had _insisted_ Cas listen to back in college.

Since he’d already adopted the premise of keeping Dean’s scent around for the pup’s sake, Cas stole a few of Dean’s leftover clothes for himself. He even guiltily took the bedding because the remains of his scent were strongest there. Every night Cas could bury his nose in Dean’s pillow and dream of his alpha.

His _pup’s_ alpha parent, he meant.

Cas himself had no claims to Dean. Obviously.

It was probably a bad idea, keeping such painful reminders of Dean everywhere, but waking up to the familiar smell allowed him to pretend things were like they used to be. Dean was in his room or out making breakfast, or maybe off on a _short_ business trip. Not utterly _gone_ from Cas’ life.

_Don’t be so dramatic,_ he scolded himself. _You and Dean are still friends. You text each other all the time. He’ll be a part of your life, even after this._

_… Hopefully._

There wasn’t too much else that needed to be done to the apartment. Obvious it would need to be pup-proofed, but most of those changes wouldn’t need to be done until later. Cas made a few decorative changes that Dean had never allowed; he removed the pictures of classic cars from the hallway and replaced them with prints of bees, guinea pigs, and other animals that were kid friendly. He painted the blue in Dean’s room to a lighter shade for the nursery, got rid of the ugly leather recliner Dean had liked, and got a more modestly sized TV.

If he didn’t know better, it’d look as though Dean had never lived there at all.

\- - - -

Cas woke up craving walnut and apple scones. _Again_. He’d made it part of his routine to grab some on the way to work each morning, and he pretended it was a coincidence. It had absolutely _nothing_ to do with the fact that Dean’s scent was walnut and apple. Nope.

_Dean’s only been gone a couple weeks and already I’ve eaten more scones, muffins, and pie than I ever did **living** with him… _

As he walked down the street toward the bakery, hand trying to soothe his rumbling stomach, his phone buzzed.

He expected to see another message from Charlie—she’d been _begging_ him to come to a board game night, but he’d slowly stopped attending social events with mutual friends of his and Dean’s—or maybe Hannah checking in. What he got was something very different.  

>> _how the jackets doing? haven’t been able to catch a game because of the time difference_

Dean.

Cas checked the time. Dean must be about to get off of work. Thankfully Dean’s off time lined up with Cas’ work; it was easy to excuse himself from video chat. He might not be showing yet, but if he would be soon. Easier to nip the routine of Skyping every week in the bud so that Dean never got used to it. And so _Cas_ never got used to it and got tempted to continue even when he shouldn’t.

He could imagine himself, precariously balancing his laptop on his rounded belly just for a glimpse at Dean. One strong kick from the pup or if he lost his balance, and Dean would _see_. Dean would know and have questions, questions Cas didn’t want to answer. At least not until the pup was born.

Despite the stress Dean’s message had inadvertently caused, Castiel smiled to himself.

Dean and Cas had first met at a hockey game back when they were starting college. Their mutual friends had invited them, and they’d happened to end up sitting next to each other. Castiel had known absolutely nothing about the sport and Dean had eagerly taken it upon himself to explain the rules and talk about the players.

Cas thought Dean was handsome and friendly immediately, but that’d been more of an errant thought than an actual desire to pursue anything romantic with Dean. He hadn’t realized he wanted more until later. At that point, they were roommates and best friends. It seemed bad timing, and he didn’t want to make things awkward. Why ruin a perfectly good friendship?

**_> > not TERRIBLY, but not great. should make the playoffs if i’m not mistaken_ **

Almost immediately a reply comes through.

_> > damn i can’t believe i’ll miss out on a playoff run…_

_> > you better go to a few games for me_

_> > it’s tradition after all ;)_

**> > of course dean**

They continued to chat back and forth until Cas got to work. He liked it, knowing that his and Dean’s relationship was still intact even with an ocean between them. He did _not_ like thinking about what might happen when Dean found out about the pup.

\- - - -

Dean’s messages had reminded Cas of something he’d been meaning to do, but had put off for too long. He’d had to wait until Dean left for Belgium; now he was just being a coward.

“Hey Cas,” Sam said as he adjusted his webcam before taking a seat. Cas was already seated at his computer, fidgeting nervously as he waited for Sam to be ready. “What’s up?”

“I need your help. I have a few… a few legal questions, and I was hoping you’d be able to point me in the right direction.”

“Yeah, sure no problem.” Sam narrowed his eyes at Cas as if finally picking up on the omega’s distress. “Hey, did something happen?”

“Uhm. Yes?” He forced himself to stop squirming and met Sam’s eye. “I’m not in any legal trouble, I assure you. I just have some questions about… about a very specific situation.”

“Okay.” If Sam was at all relieved by Cas’ vague explanation, he didn’t look it. “Why don’t you go ahead and start from the beginning.” He held up a yellow notepad. “Mind if I take notes?”

“Not at all. _But,_ ” he hastily added, “I would very much prefer if you didn’t tell anyone about this.”

“Sure—”

“Including Dean.” _Especially_ Dean.

Sam’s eyebrows went up. Very carefully, he put down the notepad, leaned back in his chair, and asked, “Okay, you’re starting to freak me out. What’s this about?”

“Do you promise not to tell Dean?”

He waved a hand dismissively “Confidentiality, Cas. I won’t tell anyone.”

“I’m not a client, Sam. I’m not paying you.”

“Wouldn’t take your money anyway. Seriously though, you’re asking me for legal advice. As your friend, obviously I won’t tell anyone if you don’t want me to. As your lawyer, I _absolutely_ wouldn’t.” His tone was both scolding and a little hurt.

“I’m sorry.” Cas’ worry deflated at hearing Sam’s promise. “I’m just very concerned about this news getting out right now before I’ve had the proper amount of time to… to figure out how to handle it.”

“Whelp…” The notepad reappeared, Sam put on his glasses, and he got into ‘lawyer mood’ as Dean often called it. “Let’s start at the top. Tell me the situation and what your specific concerns are, and I’ll try to help you out with any legal issues that may be relevant.”

After a deep, steadying breath, Cas started. He left out Dean’s name, but everything else was the absolute truth: that he’d shared a heat/rut cycle with a friend, they’d used protection but Cas had still ended up pregnant, and he wanted to know the rights of the alpha parent in matters like this. Sam’s professionalism helped him get through it; aside from a brief pause when Cas mentioned he was pregnant, he didn’t react except to take notes and occasionally ask a question.

“Are you planning on keeping the alpha parent out of the pup’s life?” Sam asked. “Because legally, if a parent _knows_ they have a pup, that’s a whole other set of custody issues than if they _don’t_ know—”

“Not forever. I’ll tell him. Eventually.”

“... Like if he moves back from Belgium?”

A blush crept up his neck and made his face heat up uncomfortably. “I-I didn’t say—”

“You were pretty adamant that I not tell Dean, specifically. And I might not see you two as much as I’d like, but I’ve seen enough to know you’re definitely interested in something more with Dean.”

He couldn’t deny it, so he didn’t.

“I was going to tell him, but then he found out about the job. I couldn’t take that opportunity away from him.”

Sam looked like he wanted to say something, but he stopped himself. “So what are you really asking me here, Cas? It sounds like you plan on telling Dean at some point. I don’t think you’re the type who would deny Dean—or anyone, really, as long as they’re not dangerous—access to their pup. What were you hoping to get out of this talk?”

Admittedly, the legal question was more of an excuse to talk to Sam about the situation. He could probably look up everything he needed on his own, but he desperately wanted to talk to someone else about the pup. Keeping news this big to himself was stressful. Yes, Hannah knew, but that was it. Everyone else, the vast majority of his friends, were also friends with Dean. Even if he left out the part about Dean being the alpha, he was fairly certain news would get back to Dean.

Sam wouldn’t say anything, though, not if he promised not to. He might not agree with the decision, but he’d respect Cas’ right to make it.

“I’m curious about Dean’s rights. Particularly as the alpha. I know some states have some… _archaic_ laws about alpha rights over omegas and their pups.”

“Dean wouldn’t exert those rights—”

“Even so,” Cas interrupted. “I want to know if _I_ might find myself in legal trouble for withholding information from the alpha. You hear about cases like that, where an omega doesn’t tell the alpha about a pup, and years later ends up losing custody because of it or facing jail time and fines.”

“Those laws are outdated—”

“But still on the books in a lot of states.”

The look on Sam’s face said it all. “Alright, I’ll look into it for Ohio. I’ll get back to you as soon as I find out anything.”

“Thank you, Sam.”

“No problem. Obviously I’d look out for you either way, but I’m _definitely_ looking out for my future niece or nephew.”

Cas sighed. “Sam…”

“Hey, I know I know. I promise, I won’t tell Dean. Or _anyone_. And this isn’t about the law or anything else, but I really think you should tell him. He’d want to know.”

Cas put a protective hand over his belly. “The timing’s not good.”

“What, because of the job?” Sam rolled his eyes. “C’mon, Cas, that’s an excuse and you know it. Dean loves pups. Whatever you’re expecting, his reaction is going to be positive. Surprised, sure, but he’s going to be happy.”

“Perhaps,” he said carefully. “But I don’t want Dean to make a rash decision out of obligation. I just want to wait until he’s settled in Belgium and knows if he likes it there. This is an important career opportunity for Dean, and I don’t want him to miss out and end up regretting it later on.”

“As opposed to regretting not being there to help you through the pregnancy?” Sam pointed out. “You know how much of a caretaker Dean is—”

“Which is exactly why I don’t want to tell him. He’ll take on the responsibility regardless of what’s best for him and regardless of whether or not I want him to. I won’t have the pup represent some failed work opportunity. That’s not fair to the pup. If Dean decides on his own that living overseas isn’t for him, then that’s different, but I don’t want to irrevocably change the course of his life.”

“Uh huh.”

“You don't believe me?” Cas challenged. It was completely true, even if it wasn't the _complete_ truth.

Sam often called Dean out on his bullshit, but now Cas dreaded having Sam do the same with him… If Cas opened up about his desire to have a real relationship with Dean, Sam was very much in a position to shoot the idea down. He knew Dean better than anyone, and if Cas talked about his fear of rejection, Sam could very much validate that fear.

He’d let Cas down easy, of course, and perhaps it’d be better in the long run than holding onto false hope or having to hear the inevitable rejection from Dean.

As he waffled between wanting Sam to let it be and wanting Sam to really dig to the root of Cas’ hesitance, Sam seemed to decide on the former.

“Hey, you tell me that's all there is, then sure I believe you.”

“Thank you. For everything.”

“I still think you should tell him—”

“ _Sam.”_

Sam rose his hands in surrender. “Alright, I give up. I’ve made my case for telling Dean. The rest is up to you. But just so you know, as future uncle of this future pup, I am going to constantly call to check in on you and make sure you both are alright.”

Cas couldn’t quite keep back a smile. “I think I can handle that.”

“Good. Because I’m also visiting as soon as the pup’s born, whether you’ve told Dean by then or not.”

“You don’t have to do that.”

“But I really want to.”

This wasn’t at all what he expected from this video chat, but Cas was glad for Sam’s support. Sam’s genuine enthusiasm at the prospect of being an uncle made Cas excited all over again. The news felt fresh once more, all the happy possibilities back before him.

“Then I look forward to you staying and taking over a few midnight feedings.”

Sam laughed. “Shit, that sounds awesome. I can’t wait.”

And just like that, there were three of them in on the secret. The pup now had a very excited uncle as well as his Aunt Hannah looking forward to meet them.

If only Castiel were brave enough to tell Dean so he could share in the good news, too.


	5. Life Abroad

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's some Dutch in this chapter. I should probably note that I know very little Dutch, so hopefully there are no errors :)
> 
> Goedemorgen. Hoe gaat het met je? - Good Morning. How are you?
> 
> Ben je Nederlands aan het leren? - Are you learning Dutch?
> 
> Ik spreek een beetje Nederlands. - I speak a little Dutch.
> 
> Ik ben een Amerikaanse jongen uit het Middenwesten. - I'm an American boy from the Midwest.

“Good morning, Mr. Winchester,” his secretary said as he carefully pulled out Dean’s schedule for the day. “I hope you had a good drive to work.”

Dean snorted at that. “You know I can’t stand driving around here. I took my bike.”

“How very European of you, sir,” Inias teased. “You have a meeting with the new recruits in an hour and a teleconference with the Hamburg branch after that. After lunch you’re pretty free, so I took the liberty of getting those reports ready for you to look over.”

“Thanks, Inias. You’re a lifesaver.”

The beta preened a little under the praise. Apparently the last Head of Marketing had been kind of a dick; when Dean showed up they had all eyed him suspiciously, but they quickly warmed up to him. It’d actually made the transition a lot easier. All his coworkers, whether they were his subordinates, peers, or superiors, were friendly and enthusiastic about having him on board.

At least the work stuff was going well.

Outside of work though, he was struggling.

All his life, he’d lived with other people: his parents and brother when he was younger, a roommate in college, and then Cas when they started working. It made him uneasy to be in the huge loft apartment all alone.

It actually made him feel like a bit of a jackass. The apartment was _huge_ , with high ceilings, huge windows, and a master bathroom that was easily the size of his kitchen back in Columbus. The furnishings were beautiful wood pieces, the decor was quaint in how decidedly European it was, and the view? Well, he was pretty sure Sandover was paying hand over fist to get him that view of the Brussels skyline.

And still he found himself working late just so he could avoid his empty apartment. Even when he started adding his own personal touches—the record player, the family pictures, his collectibles— it didn’t feel like home.

He also went to every work sponsored event he could find. Happy hours, weekend excursions, pretty much anything that put him with other people new to the area. He even encouraged them to start a Social Committee to help improve morale. And yes, he was well aware that morale at the company was really high and he just needed help making new friends, so sue him.

There were also the classes he started taking to learn some French and Dutch (and wasn’t that a bitch… whenever he felt he got a handle on one language, he’d totally get it confused with the other). The lessons weren’t completely necessary—everyone was pretty accommodating at work and even outside of work plenty of people spoke English—but Dean felt it was a good investment.

Plus how was he going to flirt with all the pretty omegas he saw at bars if he didn’t speak their language?

Dean chuckled a little at the thought, but it was halfhearted at best. He hadn’t been able to get into the whole dating scene since moving. There’d been plenty of omegas (and even a few alphas) that were his type and who’d even looked interested… And yet every night, Dean went home alone. There was no spark, no desire to have a one night stand with any of them.

_Not when who I want is back home in Columbus, living in my old apartment and blissfully unaware that I’m in love with him…_

Dean hadn’t really expected to take Adler’s offer. The more he’d thought about it, the more he’d leaned against it. Maybe back when he was in college, when he’d been young and adventurous, he would’ve been chomping at the bit. He’d always regretted not spending a semester abroad, and maybe he figured he’d get around to the whole travel the world thing later. Now though? He’d had a good thing going in Columbus. Lots of friends, nice apartment, job he liked…

And Cas.

He used to have Cas.

He would’ve stayed for Cas at the drop of a hat. If Cas had done _anything_ to indicate that he wanted Dean to stay, Dean would’ve turned Adler down without a second’s pause. Instead, Cas had actively encouraged the opposite. He’d told Dean this was too good of an opportunity to pass up.

How was Dean supposed to argue with that? They weren’t even dating, they were friends who’d had a one time thing. They hadn’t even talked about _that_ … If Dean had stayed, it would’ve been suspicious. Cas would’ve asked him about it, and there was only so much Dean could do or say before it’d become painfully obvious that his only reason for staying was so he could pine after Cas some more.

_Can pine just as easily across the ocean as I can in the same apartment…_

Maybe the move was a good idea. It was slowly but surely forcing him to get over Cas. Out of sight, out of mind, right? Just what Dean needed to move on and actually have a healthy relationship with his best friend.

As good for him as it might prove to be in the long run, the homesickness was rough.

It wasn’t that Brussels was bad or anything. Quite the opposite, he really liked it here, but part of him would find something awesome and immediately want to share it with his friends… who were thousands of miles away. Instagram and Skype helped a lot. He could _show_ them, even if they couldn’t _be_ there to experience it all first hand.

He basically had all his friends on a schedule for when to video chat with them. Sam was obviously the person he talked to the most. They’d already been used to living in different states, and it didn’t change their routine all that much. Obviously they had to be more careful about the timing since there was such a _huge_ difference in time zones. Nine hours was rough to navigate, but the brothers made it work.

Though the weirdest part was that Sam always nagged him to check up on Cas.

As if Cas weren’t the second most important person in Dean’s life. They talked all the time. Every day Dean woke up to messages from Cas, either updates about their group of friends or pictures of cute animals he finds on his walks around the neighborhood. Dean’s favorite is when Cas sends little random thoughts.

_> > I stopped by that bakery you like just to get some pie. Didn’t realize I’d miss it so much, but without you bringing it home once a week I find I’m craving it._

_> > I have Ramble On stuck in my head. I blame you. Yes I know you're not around, but this is still somehow your fault._

_> > Did you know Phoebe's twin in Friends is actually a character in Mad About You? That Friends episode with Helen Hunt suddenly makes a lot more sense…_

_> > Our neighbor upstairs who always flirts with you? She keeps asking about you and looking at me suspiciously. I'm convinced she thinks I've murdered you and is waiting for me to slip up and confess._

_> > Wish I could remember how to cook for *one* person… But on the other hand I always have leftovers to bring to work._

The problem? Dean _loved_ when Cas send him random thoughts. How was he supposed to get over Cas when every time he got a notification from Cas, it brightened his day and made his heart ache?

What really sucked was that Dean hadn’t _seen_ Cas in ages. There are some pictures here and there, but apparently Cas’ work schedule was too busy for them to be able to work out the timing for Skype. It was harder to adjust to than Dean would've expected, but apparently living together for five years had gotten him a little too used to seeing Cas’ face.

Probably for the best, though. Their relationship was always going to end up here: the two of them living apart because the different turns their lives had taken.

Communication with everyone else was sporadic but good. Charlie made him play WoW with her to get bonding time in, Jo kept teasing him to find get a hot European alpha, and Benny would grill him about loosening up and enjoying the experience instead of worrying about what he might be missing. ~~Benny always did know him too damn well…~~ Dean never felt like the estranged friend that was slowly fading out of the circle; he was still in their hearts and minds.

They still talked, but he was constantly bugging people to come visit him. So far they’d all accepted in vague terms. The only actual dates he’d been able to add to the calendar were for Sam’s visit in December. And apparently he was stopping by Columbus on the way to spend a few weeks with Cas in November, which had Dean all kinds of jealous.

So sue him, he was worried Cas might replace him with a new best friend. Albeit, Sam wasn’t a likely contender because he wasn’t exactly local to Cas either, but still.

He missed them all terribly, but thankfully there was a lot to distract him in Brussels.

Apparently there was more to Belgium than waffles for breakfast and chocolate all the time. The food was excellent (if not a little expensive), the architecture was amazing, and Dean took advantage of day trips to other cities. Sometimes he even went to _other countries_ on the weekend. How cool was that, that he could hope on a train and arrive in a completely different country a few hours later?

Gotta love these Europeans and their trains. Way better than having to fly everywhere…

There was the obvious culture shock. Dean had left the Impala back with Benny for safekeeping (as awesome as Cas was as a roommate, the state of his truck made it obvious how little he cared about car maintenance), and he was glad for it. The streets were too narrow, the parking spots too small, and the traffic made Dean cringe. That was something he’d have to figure out if he moved here permanently.

Maybe he’d finally give Baby to Sam. He could take time off to go back to Columbus, take a roadtrip with Cas to California to drop off the car. Hit up some tourist-y things on the way down—

What the fuck?

He had to stop doing that. He couldn’t make plans and assume Cas would be a part of them. Yeah, that might’ve worked before, but he needed to break the habit now. Cas was half a world away; their lives didn’t intersect anymore, not like that. If he planned a trip, there was no reason to think Cas would be tagging along.

Dammit, he missed Cas.

Dean looked through the scattered reports on his desk, trying to find the one he needed for that meeting with the new recruits. He’d _just_ had it, but then he’d gotten lost in thoughts of Cas and home—

_Columbus isn’t home anymore. Seriously, dude, you’ve gotta let it go. It’s affecting your work now. Get it together._

If only it were that easy.

A knock at the door stole Dean’s attention and he looked up to see Lisa smiling at him. “Morning, Dean.”

“Mor—” Dean stopped himself and tried very hard to remember all the words he wanted through the jumble in his head. “Goedemorgen. Hoe gaat het met je?”

Lisa perked up a little. “Ben je Nederlands aan het leren?”

Immediately Dean’s spirits fell. Lisa spoke so quickly, so fluently, that it made the marginal progress Dean had made seem laughable.

_Great, another way I’m a failure at this move. First I can’t get over Cas, now I can’t even learn the language._

**_One_ ** _of the languages. How the heck am I ever going to learn **two**? Or three. They speak German here too, right?_

“Okay, I only know about three of those words,” Dean said as he went back to looking over the files on his desk. “Ik spreek een beetje Nederlands.”

“A very little,” Lisa agreed with amusement in her eyes. “Not that it isn't impressive, but you know you can get by with just English right?”

“I know…” He was lonely, though he wouldn’t admit it. The language barrier was one of the things contributing to that isolated feeling he’d sometimes have when he was out in public. Deep down he knew that’s not why he was lonely, but it was a problem he could actually solve. “But when in Rome, right?”

“Oh, I totally get it. I’m from Indiana, remember? I didn’t even take Spanish or anything in high school.”

“How’d you get so good at Dutch?”

The omega laughed and rolled her eyes. “Uh practice? I’ve been living here nearly five years and I had a boyfriend who was Belgian. They say the best way to learn the language is to date someone who speaks it.”

“Yeah I’ll bet.” Dean laughed through the tension he could feel stiffening his back and neck. He did _not_ like the idea of dating someone who spoke Dutch. “You ready for this meeting?”

As one of the higher ups in HR, Lisa attended a lot of the meetings with new employees. She’d actually spent a lot of time with Dean when he’d arrived, helping him get to know the ins and outs of the branch.

“Me?” She held up her clipboard. “I’m good to go. What about _you_? You seem a little frazzled there.”

Dean threw up his hands in surrender. “I can’t find the damn file. I totally had it when I got in this morning, but now it’s been lost to desk clutter.”

Lisa walked over to his desk and pulled a red file out from underneath his laptop. It was clearly labeled **New Recruit Reports**. “This the file?”

“Yep, that’s it.” Dean sighed as he Lisa handed it over. A quick flip through it confirmed it had everything he needed. “You’re a lifesaver.”

“I know.” Lisa winked at him. “By the way, if you ever need someone to tutor you or to practice Dutch with, let me know. My French is atrocious, but my Dutch isn’t half bad. And I promise not to laugh at your accent. Too much.”

“... I’ve got an accent?”

“Yep. Real ‘merican, too.” She coughed a little and then spoke with a distinct twang. “Ik ben een Amerikaanse jongen uit het Middenwesten.” Even as she switched seamlessly back to English, she kept the exaggerated accent going. “I like fast cars, classic rock, pretty omegas, and dark beer. I even say y’all from time to time.”

Dean couldn’t help but laugh at that. Lisa, like a lot of the other people who worked here, was one of the bright spots in Dean’s day. A reminder that he was here, he wasn’t alone, and that his life was moving forward.

“I had that coming, didn’t I? Also that’s a terrible impression of me. I thought you HR goons were supposed to be sensitive.”

“Oh you absolutely had it coming. And it was a spot on impression. The only thing that would’ve made it better is if I were wearing suspenders.” The teasing note in her voice faded. “Don’t worry about it though. Seriously, it’s not that much of an accent. And you’ve only been here two months, right? It’ll fade as you practice more and hear some actual Belgians speak.”

“Thanks.” The praise felt good; it didn’t quite balance out ~~missing Cas~~ being homesick, but it was nice to hear some encouragement. Anything to reinforce that he did _not_ make a mistake coming out here.

“C’mon.” Lisa nudged him with her clipboard. “We’ve got some new recruits to scare.”

“What ever happened to Good Cop, Bad Cop?”

She stuck her tongue out in disgust. “Boring. Bad Cop, Bad Cop is _way_ more fun. I live for that moment of terror in a new intern’s eyes as they realize they actually have to be here right at nine.”

They proceeded to brainstorm the best ways to terrify the new employees and interns (and then of course to reassure them that it really wasn’t that bad). It was actually kind of fun.

Dean didn’t even think about Cas once the whole time.

Almost.


	6. Regret

Dean thought he was managing things pretty well. He had a few bouts of homesickness here and there, but overall he was doing a good job of adapting to live abroad. Another few months and he probably wouldn’t miss ~~Cas~~ Columbus so much.

And then his rut hit.

It was _bad_. The symptoms hit him like a freight train, making it impossible for him to work or cook or do much more than fuck helplessly into his hand while he writhed on his bed. It was never enough, though; barely five minutes after he’d come, his cock would be hard again and he’d start itching for more.

Worse, it just kept going. On and on. Not his usual three days with mild symptoms. Five. Endless. Days. Of _constant arousal_.

Around day four, he had to admit it: he missed Cas. His body knew it better than he did. His inner alpha craved the omega, _his_ omega, and took it out on Dean for leaving Cas. Maybe moving was a bad idea after all—

_He encouraged you to leave. Helped you pack, drove you to the airport. Couldn’t be happier to get rid of the useless alpha who wouldn’t stop pining over him. Never were good at taking a hint, Winchester._

Unable to protest, Dean whimpered as he buried himself in his blankets and ignored how hard he was and how much his knot ached. What he wouldn’t give for a whiff of Cas’ delicious scent. Always did calm him down, even mid rut.

 _Stop thinking about Cas!_ he screamed at himself. _Stop! You **left**! It’s over. Hell, there was nothing there in the first place! **Get over him**!_

Even after his rut ended on the fifth day, Dean took a few more days off work to recover. The rut itself had left him weak and exhausted, but emotionally he felt strung out. This thing with Cas, it needed to stop. He’d let it go on too long, and now he was paying for it.

Maybe he should look into suppressants. He’d managed ruts alone before, but this was nearly unbearable. It was like all those schmoopy stories about “mate withdrawal” (as if that were even a thing). How was he supposed to function and make a good impression at work if he had to disappear for a week whenever he had a rut?

Not that Dean was a fan of needles, not at all, but a quick injection had to be easier to deal with than _this_ every four months.

The more he thought about it, the more he settled on the idea of suppressants. What did he need a rut for, anyway? It wasn’t like he was married or looking to have pups anytime soon. Maybe it was time to get rid of the whole ordeal altogether. Wait until he was ready to settle down before he made himself go through another rut.

After he’d showered and gotten ready for work, Dean started looking up local doctors. By the time he’d arrived at work, he had an appointment set for later that week.

A dull feeling of regret began to settle in his life, and Dean wondered how long he'd be able to stand it.

\-----

“If you’re having trouble with your ruts,” the doctor said as she made a note on her chart, “you could always try finding a partner.”

_I **did** find one, that’s why I’m having this problem now…_

“I’d rather not,” Dean said instead. He didn’t want to bring up the potential scent bond he and Cas had formed. It was unlikely, anyway. If they hadn’t formed one after living together for years, he doubted sex would do it. They’d need to actually mate to force that type of bond, and obviously they hadn’t done _that_. “The meds not strong enough?”

“Hmm? Oh, they are. One shot every year should keep you rut-free, or at least reduce the symptoms so it’s completely manageable. You won’t even have to take time off of work if you don’t want to.”

“Then why suggest a partner?” He didn’t mean to, but a hint of a growl slipped in.

The doctor raised an eyebrow, but otherwise ignored it. “It takes time for the suppressant to build up in your system. There’s a good chance you’ll have one more rut before they fully take effect. It might be worth your time to find an omega or beta to share your next cycle with, just until you’re over that hump and your ruts taper off.”

She smiled as she handed him the prescription sheet. Self-administered rut suppressant, ready to pick up by tomorrow but that wouldn’t even _work_ until two ruts from now?

_Great. I got at least one more Cas-less rut to look forward to._

“Thanks,” Dean mumbled as he took the prescription. He quickly shuffled out of the exam room so he wouldn’t have to hear more about “finding a partner.”

There were services he could use. On call omegas, betas, and even alphas who would spend a cycle with you for a price. Dean had been tempted once or twice, but usually he could handle it himself or he was already in a relationship.

The prospect of fucking a stranger after sleeping with Cas, though… He shuddered. The whole idea rubbed him the wrong way.

_It shouldn’t. You and Cas weren’t even dating. You can’t keep letting this whole Cas thing hold you back._

The scolding was halfhearted at best.

_It really isn’t a terrible suggestion, finding a partner. That rut **sucked**. The whole reason I’m going on suppressants is to avoid it. Maybe I should just call up one of those services, find a pretty omega who looks **nothing** like Cas, and hope for the best. One more rut, I can deal with that… _

Decision made, he asked the doctor’s receptionist for suggestions on rut services in the area.

\----

“Hello, Dean.”

“Heya Cas. Good to hear your voice. Sucks that your webcam’s broken, I miss seeing you too.” And too bad the camera on Cas’ phone had such shitty quality. Maybe Dean could buy him a new one with a nice camera…

“I’m sure I’ll get around to ordering another one at some point,” Cas said dismissively. “How are things going? Last I heard you’d planned a trip to Antwerp?”

“Yep. Going this weekend. Check Instagram, I plan on posting a bunch of stuff. Prepare to be super jealous of how worldly I am now.”

Cas chuckled on the other end of the line. Goosebumps rose along Dean’s arms.

“I’ll have to try and fly out to see this new, worldly you firsthand. I’ve always wanted to go to Europe.”

“Then come over when Sam’s here. You should be able to get time off in December, right?”

“Hannah and I have the unfortunate task of hosting Mother for the holidays this year, so unless you want all three of us showing up on your doorstep—”

“Yikes. Hard pass on that one. No offense, but your mom’s something else.”

“Oh, I’m well aware. Why do you think we trade off years?”

“So put me in that rotation, yeah? Your mom gets you this Christmas, I get you next Christmas.”

Cas hesitated. “So you like it there? You think you’ll still be in Brussels by then?”

“Yeah, it’s pretty cool here. I think my contract goes for three years or something before it gets reviewed. I mean, I _could_ request a transfer if I wanted—”

“But you don’t plan to.”

Dean swallowed heavily. Was it wishful thinking if it sounded like Cas wanted him back?

Yeah, probably.

“Nah, things are going pretty well here.” He did his best to sound nonchalant about it. Like he was completely happy with the fact that he was basically a million miles away from where he wanted to be, both geographically and emotionally. “I mean, maybe I’ll be able to get Head of Marketing somewhere stateside by then, but I’ll probably have to put in more time here first. But everybody’s been really friendly. You seen the pictures of the apartment they set me up in?” He whistled. “Nice shit, man.”

“I did see.” Cas’ voice was warm and inviting, and Dean suddenly thought maybe it _was_ better that they weren’t using Skype. Bad enough to _hear_ him, _seeing_ him would be torture. “It’s very nice. Kinda big though. I hope you don’t get lonely on your own.”

Dean bit his tongue to keep himself quiet.

“Nope.” Hopefully his voice didn’t sound too strained. “No time to be lonely. I’ve got work, I’ve got my weekend outings, plus I’m pretty sure Charlie’s making me a spreadsheet so I can organize all my Skype sessions with people. So yeah, definitely not lonely.”

“I’m glad.” Cas’ sincerity was like a knife to his heart.

“Enough about me. Tell me what you’ve done to the apartment. You found a new roommate yet?”

“Not yet. Probably will have one by the end of the year though.”

“Man, I still feel bad about leaving you high and dry with my half of the rent—”

“I make more than enough to cover it, Dean. It’s alright, I promise. Besides—” And now Dean could practically hear the soft smile gracing Cas’ face. “I’m sure my next roommate will be more amenable to letting me play whatever music I want. And they probably won’t mind my musical taste.”

“Your music’s garbage, Cas.”

“Gee, thanks.”

Dean chuckled, settling in deeper onto the plush couch in his too big, too lonely living room. “Anytime. So seriously, tell me what you’ve been up to.”

“Well I started taking a knitting class…”

\----

Dean didn’t like the profiles of _any_ of the omegas or the betas he looked through. They were all reasonably attractive, and some of their scent descriptions sounded appealing (whiskey and rye? peppermint and lime? pine and ocean spray? those three were top of his list), but he inevitably found something wrong with them. Too short. Funny nose. Crooked smile. Hair too curly.

He was being picky and he knew it. Every excuse he used was something he’d ignored in previous partners before. What did he care if someone had a crooked smile or what their hair looked like? He didn’t… but he _did_ find he preferred tall omegas with dark hair and blue eyes.

“This is stupid,” Dean growled as he slammed his laptop shut. Replacing Cas with a Cas look-alike wouldn’t help. He needed to go cold turkey, like the move to Brussels was forcing him to do anyway.

_You’re taking the wrong approach… You don’t want a stranger, so don’t use a stranger. You’ve got a few months still, you could find someone, becomes friends, maybe have a friends with benefits thing._

_Like that time with Cas?_ he snapped back at himself.

He rolled his eyes at himself. Yeah right. Like _anything_ was ever going to be like that time with Cas. Not unless he fell in love with someone and kept it to himself for nine years before kissing them _once_. Then yeah, sure, sex with that person would be just like with Cas.

 _There’s Lydia,_ his brain helpfully supplied.

Lydia was the pretty omega who lived a floor above him. They’d had drinks together in her apartment that one time when she was introducing him to the other neighbors. She’d been flirty and funny, so that relationship definitely had potential.

_Or what about Aaron?_

The spunky beta was a regular at Dean’s favorite Biergarten and they’d become friendly. Aaron had dropped plenty of hints that he’d be up for meeting somewhere else; if Dean showed the slightest interest, he was sure Aaron would be up for a fling.

_And don’t forget Lisa._

That thought startled him more than the others.

Lisa was… pretty amazing, actually. Lisa smelt great and _looked_ gorgeous. Not only that, but she was also good at her job. She was friendly and the two of them had always clicked really well. There was definitely a spark between them. If he looked objectively at things, there was the very real possibility of a relationship there. An _actual_ relationship, something more than friends with benefits.

Something that could _happen_ , unlike this thing with Cas.

Dean spent a few days considering that. Every time he ran into Lisa, he tried to visualize what it would be like to date her. If he could get past the stab of betrayal that shot through his heart every time, if he could ignore the way his inner alpha hissed in disapproval at abandoning _his_ omega, then admittedly it wasn’t a bad image.

“You still with us?” Lisa asked after a meeting.

“Huh?” Everyone else was filing out of the room, but Dean sat there staring at his notes. Shit. “Sorry, kinda got…” He waved his hand. “Lost, I guess.”

“One of those days?”

“One of those _weeks_.” He stuffed all his papers back into the folder, no care to keeping them in order or making sure they didn’t get creased. “I’m just having some trouble adjusting, I guess. Things I wasn’t expecting to be an issue are now actually an issue and it’s…” His frustration boiled over in a growl. “I’m working on it.”

Lisa nodded sympathetically. “Mind if I offer my two cents?”

“Couldn’t hurt.”

“Well part of it’s how hard you’re working yourself. You’re working late hours, pushing yourself a lot, which is great if that’s what you _want_ to do… but it seems more like you’re doing it to avoid these other issues. You need to _relax_.”

“Probably,” Dean admitted. Work and hanging out with Cas were his usual coping mechanisms, and obviously the latter wasn’t an option right now. The former had been picking up the slack, which in turn had made Dean grumpy and his work sloppy. “You wouldn’t happen to have any suggestions about _how_ to do that?”

“I’m more than happy my services as a drinking buddy. Grab some beers, maybe practice some Dutch if you’re up for it? I _did_ promise you private lessons,” she added with a wink. “May as well make good on the offer.”

Dean froze. That was flirting, right? Drinks and _private lessons_? Oh god, did Lisa just ask him out on a date?

All the work he’d done to warm himself up to the idea of dating someone else shattered around him. All his brain could think was _no no NO do **not** want_.

In that instant, he knew there’d never be anyone else for him besides Cas, no matter how hard he tried.

“Uh…” Dean fumbled for words. He should let her down now, right? Nip this in the bud before it got awkward later on. “Look, I’d love to but… but I uh… I’m not really interested in… I mean, you’re great, but uh…”

Thankfully Lisa saved him from babbling more nonsense.

Her eyebrows went up as she snorted a laugh. “Dating? Dean, hon, I’m not looking for that either. I’ve got a three year old at home and no interest in bringing some strange alpha into the equation right now. No offense.”

“None taken,” he said honestly. All he felt was relief.

“Besides…” She stepped forward and squeezed his arm. “Anyone with a nose can tell you’re taken.”

“Ta- _taken_?” Dean gulped.

“Aren’t you? You smell like you’re…” She made a gesture and then gave up. “Pining, maybe? Or already scent bonded with someone? Dunno, but whenever I scent you, all I get is a big neon sign that says _not interested_.”

“Oh.”

Scent bonded? Did he and Cas accidentally scent bond? He knew he’d had to reel in his desire to _bite mate claim mark_ the whole time they’d had sex, but had his body actually managed to form a bond anyway?

It couldn’t be…

_It would explain your rut. And how fucking miserable you are without him._

“The offer for drinks still stands,” Lisa said gently. “And right now it looks like you could use a shot or two. Lemme know, okay?”

“Yeah. Yeah, sure. Maybe this weekend.”

Lisa didn’t look convinced, but she let it go and left him to his thoughts.

Never in his life had he truly felt the urge to mate someone. But Cas… it’d been almost an instant attraction. Charlie had warned him that Cas didn’t date, so Dean had kept his flirting to himself and focused on being friends. And he’d done _such a good job_ , holding back his feelings. Now because of one shared heat/rut, he’d truly gone past the point of no return.

He wanted Cas. He _needed_ Cas in his life.

He didn’t want this job. He didn’t want to be thousands of miles away. He didn’t want to always regret not _trying_ to have something more with Cas.

The only way to find out if Cas was open to more than friendship was to ask him.

In seconds, he had his phone out and was looking up flights. There was no way he was having this conversation over Skype or text. He needed to _be there_ when he confessed all this to Cas. More than that, even if dating Cas wasn’t an option, he wanted to _see_ Cas. Flesh and blood and his delicious scent…

Dean had spent the last nine years terrified of losing Cas, so he’d kept his feelings to himself. And what had happened? He’d fucking moved away and lost him anyway. If he was going to move on, he wanted to be one hundred percent sure he _had_ to. If there was even a sliver of a chance that Cas might want him back, he had to take it.

**> > Hey Cas I’m taking an unexpected trip back to Columbus next week**

**> > You up for dinner while I’m in town?**

 


	7. Bite the Bullet

“I really wish you’d let someone do that for you…”

“I’m perfectly capable of changing a lightbulb on my own, Sam.” Cas continued, ignoring the agitated alpha on his laptop screen. He admittedly did have to balance rather precariously on a chair to reach the light fixture, but he’d done this dozens of times before throughout the apartment. Being pregnant didn’t make him _useless_.

“I know, just let me worry, would you? That’s what family’s for.”

Cas kept his back to the laptop as he felt his cheeks heat up. Sam considered him family. The sentiment wasn’t surprising, considering how long they’d known each other, but it was good to hear that the alpha had his back.

“The nursery’s looking good so far,” Sam continued. “But _please_ leave the crib until I get there. I swear, I’ll put it together.”

“Don’t worry,” Cas said as he came to sit in front of the laptop and have a proper conversation with Sam. Usually he did this in the dining room, but he’d wanted to show off the almost finished nursery to  one of the few people who _knew_ about it. “I’m perfectly happy to leave _that_ as a project for you. I took a peek. There are no less than a hundred parts and five pages of instructions. Even if I could lift all the pieces, I’m not entirely sure I’d end up with a crib at the end.”

Sam laughed. “Where’d you get this thing, Ikea?”

“It was a gift from my mother. No idea where she got it from.”

The two grinned at each other across a thousand miles, and Cas let himself enjoy the moment. The last few weeks, he and Sam had bonded over their shared secret. Though he certainly hadn’t expected Sam to check in with him so frequently, he did enjoy talking to him. It was nice to have a weekly appointment with Sam and to talk about the pup.

“So get this,” Sam said as he leaned out of view and rustled some papers. “I looked into those laws you asked about. The paternity ones?”

Cas froze. He hadn’t let himself fret too much about that, not with Sam offering his services, but he couldn’t deny it was still a concern.

“And?” he asked, voice rough.

“So with Ohio laws, you’re good. There’s no associated penalty with withholding information or pups from their alpha parent. If Dean does decide to make a paternal claim—which, as a side note, he definitely will—you’ll _have_ to discuss custody with him, but you can have legal counsel to help mediate.”

“I wouldn’t deny Dean access to his pup,” Cas mumbled. It didn’t sound very convincing, considering right now he was doing just that. He justified it as a short term necessity, but with every day that passed he questioned if he was doing the right thing. Sure, it was the right thing for _him_. That didn’t mean it was the right thing for Dean or the pup.

“Hey, I know you wouldn’t.” There was no reprimand in Sam’s voice, merely sympathy. “I know you need more time to work up to talking to Dean, and I get that. I remember it took me _months_ to tell Dean I planned on going to college in California. He’d had it in his head that after school, both of us would end up moving back to Kansas, but with both of us going out of state for school, I knew he’d realize that wasn’t going to happen. There was always going to be some blowout from that, his disappointment that I was leaving the state along with his disappointment that I felt I couldn’t be upfront with him…” Sam winced at the memory. “So seriously, I get it. I’m just letting you know the facts, okay?”

Cas had always wondered about that. The brothers obviously cared for each other and spoke often, and it had seemed odd that they would choose to live across the country from each other. He’d assumed that Dean, as the older sibling and first to go to college, had made the decision. Apparently that hadn’t been the whole story; Sam had been the one to put an end to the idea of them ending up in the same state as adults.

For years after Dean had finished business school, Cas had expected Dean to move to California. He never was able to figure out what kept Dean in Columbus; Sandover was a good company but surely California had similarly high profile ones?

“I understand. Thank you, Sam.”

“I should also probably point out that there are some laws on the book in Kansas that are a little…” He made a face. “I’ll be nice and say archaic. It could be possible for Dean to claim Kansas jurisdiction because he’s from there. It’s happened before, when vindictive alphas want more than they’ve been given by the state they reside in, and they’ve been surprisingly successful. Again, just letting you know. It should be a non-issue since a). Dean’s not that much of an asshole, especially not when it comes to _you_ , and b). if you have an alpha relative of the alpha parent involved—aka _me_ —then I can step in and back you up.”  

Cas’ phone buzzed in his pocket. He automatically reached to take it out and check. “What type of penalties have been issued to omegas in those Kansas situations?”

“I’ll forward you what I found. It’s relatively minor in the grand scheme of things, but I get wanting to be prepared—Cas, you okay?”

“Huh?” Cas looked up from his phone. He hadn’t heard a word Sam had said. His brain could barely process the text message he’d just received, never mind the additional information Sam was giving him. “I’m sorry could you repeat that?”

Sam frowned, not allowing the change in topic. “What happened? You get some bad news? Is it your doctor? Work?”

“What? No, nothing like that.” _Worse. Much much worse._

“Okay, but you went really pale and you’re not giving me a whole lot here, so I’m kind of freaking out—”

“Dean sent me a message.”

“Oh.” Sam’s frown deepened. “Is that bad? I thought you two were still talking all the time. Did he say something? Shit, did he find out—?”

“No, no, nothing like that.” Cas shifted uncomfortably in his seat. The pup, as though sensing his mood, kicked and Castiel grunted in surprise. “He’s coming back to Columbus next week to visit. He wants to have dinner…”

_Of course he does. You’re his best friend. If he’s in town, it’s absolutely reasonable for him to want to see me…_

“Yeah?” Sam looked torn between excitement and concern. With an air of forced nonchalance, he asked, “You gonna see him…?”

“I uh—I don’t—” He swallowed thickly. “Should I?”

“You actually asking for my opinion or you want me to say what you want to hear?”

“... Is it possible to get both?”

Sam shook his head. “Probably not.”

“Then your honest opinion. There aren’t a whole lot of people in a better position to advise me on this than you.”

“You know I think you need to tell Dean. Dean would want to know, and whatever you’re worried about, I don’t think Dean’s reaction will be as negative as you think.”

_Easy for you to say. I’m not concerned that he’ll be upset about the pup, I’m worried that this will make it completely obvious that Dean has no romantic interest in me._

_At least I’m being honest with myself now._

“And I think this is a good opportunity,” Sam said firmly. “You’ve got me and Hannah supporting you, but this shit is hard. You’ll be happier with Dean in the loop, with him being excited. I mean, don’t get me wrong, he’s totally going to be shell shocked at first, but there’s _no way_ he won’t be happy about having a pup.”

The fact that Sam left out _“with you”_ seemed particularly significant to Cas.

“Is it too soon?”

“Cas, you turned his old room into a nursery. There’s no such thing as too soon in this situation.”

“But… but what if he changes his mind about living overseas? I wanted him to be settled in more so he’d not make a rash decision—”

“Cas.” The sternness in his voice screamed alpha authority. “Dean’s a big boy, he can make decisions for himself. If he chooses to be with you and the pup over his career, he’s fully able to understand the consequences of that decision. And if he chooses to prioritize his career over moving back to Columbus, that’s also his decision. But either way, he’s going to be more involved and more supportive and _present_ than he is now, and that’s what’s important.”

It was hard to argue with Sam’s reasoning, especially since Castiel was fully aware how self-serving it was to keep the pregnancy from Dean. It was ultimately better for Dean and the pup if Dean were involved, but Cas’ fears and insecurities made it _impossible_ to actually say the words necessary. He should have done it before Dean left, but after Dean was safely in Brussels, he’d made the excuse that this wasn’t something he should do over text or Skye.

If Dean was actually going to be in town though…

Sam knew Dean better than Cas did, and most certainly when it came to subjects like this. Castiel was too invested to see things clearly. Plus Sam had Cas’ best interests at heart… Maybe he should bite the bullet and seize this opportunity.

“That a smile?” Sam asked. “You gonna do it?”

“I think so. I—I’m going to tell Dean.”

“Hell yeah!” Sam did a quick fist pump and then sagged in relief. “Oh thank god, I’m seriously dying over here every time I talk to Dean and have to keep my mouth shut. There’s only so much secrecy a guy can take.”

“Doesn’t your profession _require_ secrecy?”

“Yeah but _trust me_ , this is a whole other level. Tell me how it goes, okay? I want to know if I need to call and congratulate my brother or threaten to come beat him up.”

“... You said he’d react positively.”

“Doesn’t mean he won’t need someone to kick his ass if he says something stupid. It’s still _Dean_ we’re talking about.”

“... Fair point.”

Excitement and nerves buzzed through him in equal measure. Dean would be in town next week. They’d have dinner, and Cas would tell him about the pup. And then Dean would… Well, he didn’t know _how_ exactly Dean would react, but it would be better than walking on eggshells every time he spoke with Dean. He didn’t want to worry about mistakenly giving away more than he intended.

He’d tell Dean on his own terms, in person, and they’d work to accommodate the necessary changes to their relationship as they became parents together.

“Text him back,” Sam encouraged. “You going to go out and meet up for dinner or eat at the apartment?”

Castiel flinched. The last time he’d truly thought about telling Dean, it’d been over dinner at the apartment. The sting of how poorly _that_ had gone hadn’t quite yet faded.

“Out.”

After a shaky breath, he started typing out a response.

_> > Fantastic! It’ll be good to see you face to face for once :)_

_> > I’m up for dinner any day, just let me know when works best for you_

_> > I’ll get us reservations to that fancy burger place you like_

Did he sound too eager? Was it bad if he _did_? Perhaps it was too suspicious to choose a restaurant—

“Stop freaking out.”

Castiel’s attention snapped back to Sam, and he blushed to remember the video chat was still open.

“You got this, I promise. The hardest part is going to be actually _waiting_ to talk to Dean. Trust me, once it’s the two of you sitting across from each other, _that_ will be the easy part.”

“Easy for you to say. You’ll be sitting comfortably in California waiting to find out what happened.”

Sam laughed and shrugged helplessly. “True enough.”

His phone buzzed and Cas wasn’t surprised to see a message from Dean.

**> > sweet **

**> > make it for thursday evening? you pick a time and i’ll meet you there**

“I suppose,” Cas said slowly as he reread the message, “I’ll find out for myself next Thursday.”

“Sweet! Don’t worry, Cas, you got this. So you still wanna go through the baby registry to make sure you didn’t forget anything?”

Thankful for the subject change, Cas jumped at it. “Yes, please. I think I’ve been very thorough, but a second set of eyes certainly couldn’t hurt…”  

\----

Sam was right: the wait was agonizing.

After he’d made the reservation, Cas had to find new distractions to keep himself from obsessing over Thursday night.

On Saturday, he broke out all the parenting books he’d been neglecting and read through them, highlighter and post-it notes in hand in case he found particularly good advice to remember. He ran out of post-it notes halfway through the first book.

On Sunday, he arrived at Hannah’s place early in the morning and refused to leave. Luckily she wasn’t at all upset at by the prospect of entertaining him. They ended up binge watching Worst Cooks in America.

On Monday, he focused on work as much as possible. Easy, given there was always more he could be doing. His boss seemed concerned when he took a working lunch at his desk, but she also seemed to understand that he needed to keep himself busy.

On Tuesday, he had a doctor’s appointment. The printout of the sonogram was more than enough to keep his mind occupied.

On Wednesday, he went through everything in the fridge and pantry. Dean was a decent cook, and he’d amassed quite the collection of random sauces and ingredients. A good deal of them were expired or so foreign to Castiel that keeping them seemed silly. He tossed away as much as he could, then felt self-conscious about how bare the kitchen looked.

Perhaps he’d been treating himself to take out a little too often now that Dean wasn’t there to help him cook. He was low on even the essentials. If things went well with Dean (or even if they went horribly), Dean would likely find his way back to the apartment. The last thing he wanted was to be scolded about his eating habits.

Sighing, he made a list and prepared himself for an exhaustive visit to the grocery store.

It wasn’t that he particularly minded getting groceries. It was more that he didn’t like to do general grocery trips. He liked having a focus, a particular dish in mind. Even with a list in hand, he felt aimless as he wandered through the store aisle by aisle.

Before placing anything in the cart, Castiel would diligently read the ingredients to make sure he’d be getting the proper nutrients from it. He’s noticed he’s been doing this a lot lately, though he was unsure if it was a habit he’d keep up once the pup was born. Probably not; it was tedious at best and a major annoyance at worst. There were a lot of foods he missed that he’s skipped out on because of the pregnancy.

“I’m going to gorge myself on cheese as soon as you’re born,” Cas mumbled as he rubbed his belly.

Admittedly, it wasn’t all bad. Watching what he was eating and avoiding some foods had lead him to discovering new ones. Avocado butter was one that he’d started eating recently, thanks in large part to Sam’s recommendation.

As he finished in the dairy section, eyeing the soft cheeses longingly, Castiel thought he caught the faint scent of apples and walnuts, but he dismissed it. Of _course_ he had; he was in a grocery store. There were literally apples fifty feet away from him, and it wouldn't’ surprise him if there were walnuts just as close.

Even so, he made a mental note to stop by the bakery before he left. Some apple walnut scones sounded absolutely _divine_.


	8. Assumptions

_Is this a date? It feels like a date…_

Two people at a nice restaurant for dinner to catch up… It definitely _could_ be a date.

_But it’s me and Cas. We’ve never… Cas doesn’t…_

Except for of course that they’d _already had sex_. Apparently Cas _did_ , even if he hadn’t dated or slept with anyone before Dean.

_Doesn’t mean anything. Don’t read too much into it. You’re best friends until you guys have an actual, honest to god conversation about it and Cas says otherwise._

_Fuck I hope he says we can date. It’d be a real kick in the nuts if I finally get my head out of my ass and talk to him about it, only for him to shut the whole thing down…_

He would’ve expected to be constantly on edge before the flight. In some ways he was; his mind was constantly buzzing with what if scenarios and practiced love confessions. But he wasn’t antsy. He’d actually reached this sort of zen space where his nerves and excitement balanced each other out. His work actually improved, he wasn't a grump anymore (“When was I a grump?” Dean demanded. “I’m _not_ a grump—” “Oh hon,” Lisa laughed. “You were totally a grump. A friendly grump, as weird as that is, but definitely a grump. Now you’re actually _smiling_ and don’t smell homesick all the time.”), and his big, lonely apartment didn’t feel half so lonely.

_Wonder if Cas would wanna move here. He could probably find a job no problem, and there’s definitely space here for him. The balcony’s decently sized… He could probably grow some plants out there—_

_Wait. Until. You **talk**._

Dean ended up back in Columbus on Wednesday. The plan had been to show up Thursday morning, but he’d managed to change flights to a slightly earlier one. It was the one concession he made to his desire, his _need_ to get back stateside. He was tempted to call Cas up and change their ~~date~~ dinner to Wednesday, but he figured he should use the extra time to get over the jetlag. As much as he _wanted_ to see Cas ASAP, he didn’t want to be dead on his feet when it happened.

“Welcome, Mr. Winchester,” the hotel receptionist greeted with a wide smile. “First time in Columbus?”

“Nope.” The P popped a bit as Dean dug out his credit card. “Used to live here.”

“Well welcome back, sir. I’ll save you the spiel on the touristy stuff, but if you’d like to know about some of the local events that are coming up, let me know.”

“Thanks.” He winked half-heartedly. Flirting was second nature, something he’d started doing back in high school when he realized it got him more attention and better service. Now he barely bothered to make the bare minimum effort.

The plan was to head up, unpack, and sleep, but his stomach demanded otherwise. After a quick shower, he threw on some clothes and tried to figure out where the hell he was going to go eat. Room service was always fun, but he _refused_ to eat at a damn hotel in his own damn city.

When he got outside, he picked a random direction and started walking. He’d find something, he just needed to see some options.

It felt so damn _good_ to be right. Even putting the Cas stuff aside, he’d really missed Columbus. Dean thought all he’d missed was Cas and his friends, but the city itself had wiggled its way into his heart more than he’d thought. Brussels was great. In a lot of ways, Brussels was way better than Columbus… but Columbus was home.

Which would make it really awkward if Cas rejected him and he went back to Brussels alone.

_That’s it, time for some comfort food._

He took the next left and sped up.

The grocery store he and Cas always used had _the best_ deli. Nothing fancy, but Dean had gotten sandwiches there more times than he could possibly count.

The alpha working the counter took his usual order and gave him an apologetic look. “We’re a little backed up. Give us five minutes? Ten minutes at the most.”

“No problem. I know it’s worth it.”

The alpha, probably no more than nineteen, sighed in relief. Poor kid probably dealt with a lot more demanding customers than Dean; he made a mental note to leave them a decent tip to balance out whatever crap they’d had to put up with so far today.

Waiting kinda sucked, but it wasn't like Dean had anywhere he needed to be. He wandered over to the magazine and newspaper aisle to putter around for a bit. Halfway through an article on the Blue Jackets failed playoff run ( _again_ , for fuck’s sake), Dean caught a whiff of banana.

It was a reflex to look up. It was a reflex to scent the air when he caught sight of dark hair. It was an unfortunate reflex that his dick stirred in interest.

The scent was a little off, or maybe he was just remembering it wrong. The whipped cream smell wasn’t quite right, weaker than it should be. The honey smell that had always been a subtle undertone, whereas was now almost as strong as the banana. It was still distinctly Cas, though, and he licked his lips in anticipation.

There was no thought behind it as he followed Cas further into the store. From behind, Cas looked as good as ever. The trenchcoat made no sense in the damn summer, but of fucking  course Cas was wearing it. Dean’s heart swelled. Maybe this was fate. Maybe dinner tomorrow was stupid. It was too manufactured, so not _them_. Maybe them meeting in the grocery store by chance was the perfect time to—

Cas stopped at the edge of a display and turned to reach something at the top. From this angle, the trenchcoat did nothing to hide roundness of his belly, the gentle swell that wasn’t huge but that was certainly _distinct_.

Cas was pregnant.

Cas was _pregnant._

His number was called over the store’s PA system, and Dean turned on his heel. He did _not_ go up to Cas. He didn’t do anything but walk back to the deli. He mechanically picked up his sandwich, left a tip, and walked out of the store. His feet carried him all the way back to the hotel before he’d fully processed what he’d seen.

Cas was pregnant. Dean had missed his fucking chance. He _left_ and Cas not only found someone else but _mated_ them and was carrying this alpha’s pup… As out of his league as Cas was before, he was impossibly out of reach now.

Dean sat on his perfectly made bed in a wonderfully decorated and maintained hotel room. The little luxuries and flourishes that let you know it was upscale and not some run of the mill hotel. All around him were signs of his success, all the things in life he’d _thought_ he wanted in life.

None of it mattered. Cas had chosen someone else.

Bitterness made him grab his phone.

**> > hey cas sorry to do this last minute but i think i gotta cancel dinner**

Tears blurred his vision, but Dean sent the damn text. Even with twenty four hours to recover, he wasn’t in any shape to see Cas right now. He’d need a good long time to be able to get over this.

Worse, there was no one he could talk to about this. The only one who sort of knew the situation was Lisa, but they were nowhere near close enough for that conversation. Which meant he’d have to go to his tried and true coping mechanism.

**> > yo charlie you got plans tonight???**

Thank fuck she responded almost immediately.

_> > why? video chat? i could prbly work you in ;)_

**> > how bout drinks? **

_> > DEAN WINCHESTER ARE YOU IN TOWN?_

_> > fuck yes i’m in for drinks i will cancel all my plans to make it work_

_> > name a time and a place and i’m there_

Dean checked his watch. It was a little early to reasonably go out drinking, but he could probably pregame a bit so he wasn’t a complete fucking downer when Charlie showed up.

**> > Roadhouse in an hour and a half?**

_> > sure! can’t wait :)_

That should’ve been the end of it, but Dean couldn’t help sending Charlie one last message. Apparently he was a fucking masochist.

**> > charlie u seen cas lately?**

_> > not lately. we talk and play WoW or tf2 sometimes with group chat_

_> > but mostly i get updates through hannah_

_> > why??_

_> > he’s coming out for drinks right?_

He wanted to ask if she knew and had been keeping it from him. He wanted to call her and yell at her for not telling him as soon as she found out. Rationally he knew better. Charlie and Cas were friends but not super close. It was completely within reason that she wouldn’t have heard, especially if this was something Cas wasn’t telling people. Seeing as Cas hadn’t told _him_ , his best fucking friend, then it shouldn’t surprise Dean that he hadn’t told Charlie either.

So he deleted the angry message he’d been typing and started over.

**> > nah he’s busy**

**> > no reason, just wondering what he’s been up to**

**> > haven’t seen him in forever**

_> > well go ask him yourself and find out dummy :P_

Well that wasn’t happening anytime soon.

**> > see if you can get benny to come too k?**

_> > *thumbs up*_


	9. Confessions

**> > this is going to make me sound like a terrible friend but i lost dean have you seen him?**

It took Cas a moment to process what he was reading, and even then he didn’t quite understand it until he realized it was a message from Charlie. The first time he read it, he’d thought it was another message from Dean. The second time, he’d mistakenly thought it was from Sam.

Not that it made any more sense coming from Charlie, but it was less scary having to answer to Charlie than it was Dean or Sam right now. Ever since Dean had canceled their dinner, Cas hadn’t heard from him. Obviously he’d been disappointed—Dean coming to town and asking to see him had felt like a sign to put everything out in the open, and Cas didn’t really want to ascribe the same weight to Dean _not_ wanting to see him—but he's resigned to it now. He'd simply have to find another opportunity later.

He hadn’t mentioned it to Sam yet, knowing it would only cause him to be angry at his brother. It was unfair of Cas to inadvertently set the brothers at odds with one another, especially when Dean wasn’t even aware enough of the situation to know _why_ Sam might be angry with him.

(Though secretly, it made him happy to know Sam would stick up for him. And yes, it was selfish of him, but his feelings were hurt enough that he wouldn’t mind someone yelling at Dean for his recent behavior. Dean hadn’t even offered an explanation—! No, Castiel wouldn’t let himself be so petty.)

Sighing, he started typing a reply to Charlie. Apparently Dean had only canceled his plans with him but had still made the trip to Columbus. Even better. Any gracious thoughts that perhaps something had come up and kept Dean in Brussels evaporated. Dean was here and still didn’t want to see him.

_> > i didn’t know dean was in town_

No that sounded bad. He didn’t Charlie too curious about _why_ he and Dean weren’t spending time together during his trip. As much as he loved Charlie, she could be like a bloodhound when she got an idea in her head; she’d likely show up at his doorstep and demand answers. Wanting desperately to avoid that, he deleted the message.

_> > haven’t seen him, i’ll let you know if i do_

It was postponing the inevitable barrage of questions he’d likely get from her, but at least it would buy him some time.

**> > k thnx!!!**

The pup kicked anxiously, and Cas rubbed his belly to soothe the baby. Being stressed about Dean got him nowhere and only upset the pup. For both their sakes, he needed to calm down. He’d made it this far without Dean, he would continue to do just fine without him.

_Even if it’s not what I want…_

Cas did his best to go through the rest of his evening without even thinking about Dean Winchester. If he wasn’t a concern of Dean’s, then Dean wouldn’t be one of his.

He made himself some tea and cookies before settling in on the couch. As late as it was, he knew he wouldn’t be able to sleep right now and didn’t bother. Instead he grabbed the baby blanket he’d started knitting and decided to binge watch Chopped.

Halfway through the entre round, there was a loud thump against the front door. Cas thought he might have imagined it, but as he muted the TV there was definitely _something_ going on outside the apartment.

_Ignore it, it’s probably just the neighbor’s kids playing a prank._

Next came a pathetically weak knock and Castiel sighed. Prank or not, in the off chance it was actually important, he should check. Gently placing the baby blanket to the side, he pushed himself up. He hadn’t gained a whole lot of weight, but it was getting harder to move. The soft swell of his stomach should be familiar by now, yet it still surprised him each morning when he looked in the mirror and every time he got up.

_I’m sure I’ll get used to it just in time for the pup to be born.._

The knock came again, more insistant and louder than before, and Castiel hurried over.

“Yes—?”

As soon as he opened the door, Dean fell backwards into the apartment. Apparently he’d been sitting on the floor, leaning against the door. The alpha hit the carpet and stared up at Cas from where he’d fallen.

 

 

“Heya Cas,” he said with a goofy smile as he waved up at him.

“Hello Dean,” Cas said automatically. He froze in utter panic as he realized that Dean was _here_. He was here _right now_ , looking up from the floor and smelling like sour apples and burnt walnuts. He was there with Cas unable to hide that he was very obviously pregnant and Dean was upset and—and drunk?

“You’re pregnant,” Dean accused, pointing up. His words slurred and the smell of alcohol almost overpowered his natural scent. Definitely drunk then. “You’re pregnant and you never told me and I’m supposed to be your—your best—your best friend—”

He’d practiced what he would say over and over again (“Yes, it’s your pup and no, I don’t expect you to be involved. It’s your decision, you can be our pup’s alpha or you can be Uncle Dean or you can disappear altogether if that would make you more comfortable. But _I_ want you around, if that’s what you choose.”), but every word of it went right out the window when he actually _saw_ Dean.

Instead all that came out was a strangled, “You’re drunk.”

Dean nodded emphatically. “Very.”

Pinching the bridge of his nose, Cas tried to think. This was a mess. Fucking hell.

“Would you like to come inside?” he grit out.

“Course I wanna.”

“Okay.” Cas bent over as much as he could to offer Dean a hand, but Dean rolled away.

“Your alpha won’t like it, though.”

Drunken idiot… Cas shook Dean’s shoulder. “I don’t _have_ an alpha, Dean. Please come inside, the neighbors are probably all spying on us through their peepholes.”

Dean shot to his feet in an instant, crowding into Cas’ space. He swayed a little on his feet and Cas reached out an arm to steady him; Dean didn’t even seem to notice.

“Your alpha abandoned you?” Dean’s eyes were wide and concern was written into every word he spoke. “While you’re with pup?”

He didn’t register a word Dean said until he’d successfully ushered Dean inside and closed the door. “... Wait, _what_?”

“Oh Cas, I’m so sorry—Whoever it is, they’re a jerk. I’ll… You tell me who it is and I’ll… I’ll give ‘em a piece of my mind.”

“Dean, what are you _talking_ about—?”

“I’m sorry. I fucked up. I-I missed my chance and I know that and I just—Fuck! I never should’ve left. Now you’re—you’re…” Dean waved at Cas’ pregnant belly before stumbling over to the couch and collapsing. “Now you’ve got someone else’s pup…”

“Dean,” Cas commanded. “Stop babbling.”

The alpha whined but stopped talking; instead he buried his nose in one of the throw pillows and breathed deeply. “Fuck,” he groaned. “Pregnant you smells better than regular you…”

If Cas didn’t know better, he’d think Dean were seconds away from rutting against the couch.

Actually, given the events of the evening so far, Cas honestly could say he _didn’t_ know better. So far this hadn’t gone at all the way he’d thought it would. None of the scenarios he’d imagined had involved Dean being a.) drunk or b.) not realizing _he_ was the father of the pup. He was so unprepared for this, he honestly was at a total loss.

“Dean?”

A muffled grunt was his only answer.

“Do you want to stay here tonight? I think we should talk, but we should probably do it when you’re sober.”

A long pause. “Yeah, I wanna stay. Can stay in my ol’ room.”

“You can’t—” Dean’s answering whimper had Cas’ stomach sinking. “It’s a nursery now. There’s no bed.”

“Oh.” Dean turned his head, no longer hiding in the pillow. “Can stay on the couch.”

“Absolutely not. You're already going to have a hangover tomorrow and you know the couch is garbage. You're sleeping in my bed so you don't ruin your back.”

It took a lot of gentle urging and not so gentle nudges to get Dean off the couch and into Cas’ bedroom. Castiel’s bed was more than big enough for the two of them, especially when Dean crawled onto one corner and curled into a ball.

“Dean, could you…” He tried to straighten Dean’s legs and push him from teetering so close to the edge, but Dean stubbornly refused to move. “Dean, I have to take off your shoes.”

Dean relented and let Cas straighten his legs enough to remove his shoes and pants.

“Shouldn’t do that,” Dean grumbled. “Your alpha won’t like it.”

“I told you,” he sighed as he folded Dean’s pants and put his shoes by the closet. “I don’t have an alpha.”

“Yeah you do.” Dean collapsed back in on himself, tightly holding his knees to his chest and ignoring the blanket. “You didn’t knock yourself up.”

“True. I did not.” He took a seat at the end of the bed where Dean’s feet should be if he weren’t being so damn childish and hesitated. It was unfair of him to do this while Dean was so far gone, but for the first time in a long time, Cas felt hope. Dean mistakenly believed Cas was pregnant with some other alpha’s pup, which was laughable in a number of ways, but it was Dean’s reaction that had Cas biting back a smile.

Dean didn’t _want_ Cas to be pregnant with someone else’s pup. _He_ wanted to be the father.

“‘s okay, Cas. I understand. Knew I’d be jealous… Didn’t tell me so I couldn’t do anything stupid… I get it.”

“Uh huh.” Cas struggled to pull the blankets loose enough to actually get them over Dean, but he managed it, then rubbed his back. Despite Dean’s worries about Cas’ mysterious alpha, he melted into the touch. “Don’t worry,” Cas said wryly, “my alpha doesn’t know about the pup. You’re safe for now.”

Dean relaxed a little more, looking almost comfortable for the first time since he arrived. “Sorry they’re a useless alpha. If I were your alpha, would never… Fuck, my head hurts.”

“I’ll bet. You sit tight while I get you some water and aspirin, okay?”

“‘kay.”

He could barely contain a smile as he got up. Obviously they would still need to talk to actually resolve things, but after the disappointment he’d been dealing with the past few hours, this was by far a promising turn of events.

… Aside from the very real possibility Dean would spend the better part of the next morning sick in bed.

It took him a few minutes to actually find some aspirin, get water, and send a text to Charlie assuring her Dean was alright. When he got back, Cas was in no way surprised to find Dean asleep when he got back. He quietly put the glass and pills on the nightstand, only to have Dean reach out and grab his hand before he could leave.

“Stay.”

“Where would I go?” Cas teased. It was all he could do to distract himself from the warmth of Dean's touch.

“Couch? Hannah's? Dunno, but I want you to stay.” Then after a moment he added, “Please.”

“Okay.”

Dean scooted over to make room, never once letting go of Cas’ hand, and Cas obediently crawled into bed next to him. Even after he turned off the lamp, he could feel Dean's eyes on him.

“I've missed you,” Cas whispered. It was an understatement, the very tip of the iceberg when it came to how he'd craved Dean while he was gone, but it was safer than diving right in.

“Me too.”

They lay there with only each other's breathing as company. How Cas had missed that scent. All the scones he'd eaten, they'd been a weak copy of the real thing.

Dean must have felt the same. After a few minutes, he wiggled closer to Cas. He paused, as though giving Cas a chance to stop him, then buried his nose against Cas’ neck. The alpha sucked in deep lungfuls of Cas’ scent. By the time he fell back asleep, he was actually purring.

Running his hands through Dean's hair, Cas smiled. Maybe things would work out after all…

\----

Dean woke up with a splitting headache an the strange feeling that he was dreaming. He had to be dreaming, right? Because this was Cas’ bed he was in, and that was definitely his and Cas’ combined scents filling the air.

He dared open one eye. Yep, Cas’ room. And that was Cas he was currently in bed with.

Pain shot through his temples as he pushed up onto his elbow and stared down at Cas. Cas was sound asleep, looking as handsome as ever. The blankets billowed around his stomach, and Dean couldn't help but stare. That pup…

His hand reached out. He hesitated, hovering there until he actually gave in and put his hand over Cas’ belly. The pup almost immediately stirred and kicked. Dean gasped. It was just a stupid coincidence, but it felt like it meant something.

Drunken memories tried to tell him something important, but it hurt too much to think about it. Whatever it was, he could deal with it later. For now, he could pretend.

Dean gave into temptation. He let his inner alpha take over as he curled protectively around Cas. As he fell back asleep, not once did Dean's hand stray from Cas’ belly.

\----

Sun pounded into his eyes and the mild ache that had bothered him before was now a jackhammer. Dean hated himself and the last three or five drinks he’d had last night. He wanted nothing more than to go back to sleep, to wrap himself up in the blankets that smelled like sweet honey and ripe banana, but his bladder was insistent.

No matter how much he wanted to ignore it, he couldn’t. Eventually he gave up and threw off the covers.

His heart leapt when he saw the water and aspirin waiting for him; despite everything, Cas was still looking out for him.

 _Why wouldn’t he,_ he thought as he dry swallowed the pills and then downed the entire glass of water. _Just because he found some other alpha, doesn’t mean you two aren’t friends._

Dean grabbed his pants and slipped out of Cas’ room, silently praying that the floorboards wouldn't creak as he went to the bathroom.

A cowardly part of him wanted to try to sneak out without facing Cas. He didn’t quite remember it, but he had the sinking suspicion he’d said way too much last night for his own good. Maybe he hadn’t explicitly said, “I’m in love with you and want nothing more than to spend the rest of my life with you,” but he’d definitely said enough that Cas probably suspected that.

Even if Cas didn’t have a relationship with whatever alpha he’d fallen into bed with, that didn’t mean he wanted one with Dean. Cas would’ve said that, right? He would’ve mentioned that he wanted to be with Dean, but he hadn’t, at least not that Dean could remember.

_He hadn’t said no, either._

Avoiding his feelings hadn’t made him happy. He’d come to Columbus to get things off his chest, and he might as well follow through with that now and hope for the best.

The smell of food greeted him as he tiptoed toward the kitchen. It wasn’t enough to overpower Cas’ scent that permeated the air, which Dean very much appreciated. It’d been far too long since Dean had gotten to scent Cas whenever he wanted, and he wanted to indulge as long as he could.

“You’re up.”

Dean whirled around and was confronted with the most gorgeous sight he’d ever seen: Cas in a a faded t-shirt Dean swore he got for him back in college, sweatpants, and those godawful black and yellow-striped slippers that he wouldn’t throw out no matter how ratty they got.

Fuck was Dean in love with this man.

“Yeah.”

“You hungry? I made breakfast. Well, brunch technically. I don’t think it still counts as breakfast if it’s past noon.”

“I could eat.”

“Good. I already set the table.”

“Right.” Dean fidgeted a bit. Should he say something now? Should he wait? “Listen, Cas—”

“Sit and eat. You need something solid in your stomach.” He gestured to one of the chairs. “We can talk, but eat first.”

Dean licked his lips and took a seat. “Yeah. Yeah, okay. Let’s uh… let’s do that.”

It was awkward, the two of them sitting there and poking at their pancakes. Dean didn’t have much of an appetite, not when there were butterflies in his stomach, but he made an effort.

“You up to talking yet?” Cas asked as he stabbed some eggs.

Dean nodded. He didn’t know what to say quite yet, but he hoped Cas would take the lead.

Thankfully, he did. “I’m pregnant, which you obviously know.”

“Yeah, figured that much out myself.”

“... Is that why you cancelled our dinner?”

Dean rubbed at the back of his neck and stared at the table. “Yeah. Saw you at the grocery store. Kinda freaked out, I guess. Didn’t want... “ He shrugged. “I don’t know, just figured I’d need some time to digest that before I saw you.”

“Why?” Cas pressed.

He opened his mouth then immediately closed it. Putting his jealousy and hurt into words had never been easy for him. He owed it to himself, to Cas, to try.

“I flew out here to see you, because I missed you and-and because I want more than… what we have. And I get that with a pup coming, you're probably not looking for that right now. If I hadn't fucking *left* maybe I could've…” Dean didn't know *what* could've happened between them if he'd stayed, so he trailed off.

“Dean…” Cas looked nervous, his scent turning bitter. “It's your pup. I've never been with anyone besides you, not once. I’ve never wanted to.” The omega closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “And I know it was selfish of me not to tell you, but I was scared. As much as I wanted us to be together, that seemed impossible. I didn't want you to ruin your career for me, didn't want to hear you say you *wouldn't* turn down the job for me… I just kept putting it off, and I'm sorry for that. Truly I am. But obviously not telling you has only served to make us both miserable.”

_It's your pup._

Although he'd heard the rest, it was just background noise.

“My pup?” he squeaked. “You and me… a pup?”

Cas offered a half smile. “Yes. Though don't feel obligated to do anything. I completely understand if you can't forgive me for hiding this from you. I always intended to tell you… What are you doing?”

Dean had his phone out and was frantically texting. “Hold on,” he said. “Just gimme a sec…”

“ _Dean_ ,” Cas pleaded. “I don't understand—”

After rereading his message to make sure his autocorrect hadn't screwed anything up, he hit send.

“I love you,” he blurt out. Up until this moment, the thought of confessing his feelings to Cas, it terrified him. Now it was the easiest thing in the world.

Cas looked absolutely bewildered. “Wh- _what_?”

“I love you. I want to raise this pup with you. I want to fall asleep next to you every night and wake up in your arms every morning. It’s all I’ve wanted for years. So if that’s an option, if that’s something you’re putting on the table, I’ll take it.”

“What about your job?”

“Fuck my job. You’re way more important to me. I’ll work fucking inventory at a department store if that’s what it takes to be with you.”

The smile that started to break out on Cas’ face was breathtaking, but almost immediately it disappeared. “... Who did you just text?” Cas asked suspiciously.

Dean slid his phone across the table to Cas, watching Cas’ face as he unlocked the phone. He knew exactly what the message said and he wanted to see Cas's face when he read it.

**> > Lis i’m gonna need help on paperwork. i need a transfer back to columbus — my mate’s pregnant and i want to be back in columbus for when the pup’s born.**

Cas’ eyes lit up, the blue somehow even bluer as he blushed.

“Mate?”

“If you want,” Dean said with forced casualness. As if his entire future didn't depend on Cas’ answer. “Then yeah.”

Faster than he'd possibly even seen Cas move, the omega dove at him. The kiss was awkward with the table between them, but it was still possibly the best kiss of Dean's life.

“There’s nothing I’d like more,” Cas said when they broke apart. “Alpha.”

“My omega.”

* * *

**Epilogue**

Work was easy to sort out. Sandover knew Dean was too valuable to let go and the Brussels branch adored him. They hired an assistant for Dean and let him telecommute from Columbus most of the time. It made him keep weird hours and forced him to travel a lot back and forth, but it was a decent compromise that let him stay with Cas but didn't put his career on hold.

Friends and family were shocked when they find out. Not about Dean and Cas getting together, because apparently they were the only two not in on the secret that they were in love with each other, but that Cas was six months pregnant.

“Wow, you guys move quick!” Charlie joked.

“I don't think it's quick when it took them nine years,” Benny pointed out. “You two move slower than molasses.”

(Dean was of course completely nonplussed to find out Sam already knew. On the one hand, he was glad someone was looking out for Cas on his behalf, but on the other hand, he couldn't believe his brother kept it a secret that long.)

The real challenge was the two of them. They'd been friends for so long that they thought the transition to mates would be a simple one. In many ways, it was. They fell back into their usual routine with only a few tweaks here and there—a kiss goodbye in the morning, dates throughout the week, sleeping in the same bed at night.

Communication, though, that was their issue.

They'd gotten so used to closing off that side of themselves from each other that it took time to get used to being honest. To admitting for much they cared for each other. Or forgiving each other and themselves for their behavior the past few months. Dean hated that he'd been so blind and Cas hated that he'd locked Dean out for so long. They had no doubt that they'd be able to work past their communication problems, but it was a learning experience for both of them.

They’d get there.

“You guys _better_ get there,” Sam said as he threw his duffle bag on the couch. “That pup’s coming any day now, right?”

“So?” Dean said dismissively. “Seriously, dude, the couch sucks. You want me to pull out the air mattress?”

“Couch is fine. How bad could it be? And pups tend to cause issues. If the parents’ relationship has a strong foundation, then so what? They’ll weather the storm. If they don’t… well, it’ll show.”

“First of all, what do _you_ know about pups and relationships? You haven’t seriously dated anyone since that art chick—”

“Sarah.”

“And that didn’t exactly go anywhere. And B, me and Cas _do_ have a solid foundation. We’ve just got some areas that could be better.”

“Uh huh.”

Sam didn’t push the issue; if Dean and Cas could make it this far, he had no doubts they’d make it through raising a pup together.

Though he _had_ taken a month off of work to make sure they didn’t crash and burn in the beginning.

When Cas finally went into labor, there was a huge crowd of them that tagged along. Hannah and Sam hung out in the waiting room, Charlie and Benny were on alert for when the pup actually came, and Dean obviously went into the delivery room.

“You’re doing great, sweetheart,” Dean said as he squeezed Cas’ hand. “Don’t you wanna know what the little rugrat’s name is?”

To make it up to Dean that he hadn’t told him about the pup, Cas had left it in Dean’s hands to pick the name. Dean decided to keep it a secret until the pup was born, knowing it would drive everyone crazy. Everyone except Cas, who was more than satisfied to know that they’d be having a healthy baby boy.

Actually, now that the end was so close, Cas _did_ want to know, if only because knowing would mean that the pup was here and the damn labor was over with.

“You better not have named our child Han Solo or Led Zeppelin,” Cas grit out between contractions. “Or I swear, I will divorce you.”

“We ain’t married, Cas.”

“I’ll marry you just to divorce you.”

“Don’t worry,” a nurse said. “That’s just the contractions talking. Mostly.”

All in all, Cas has a smooth delivery. Five hours, no complications, and then a

“You ready to meet our boy?” Dean asked as the nurses cleaned him off.

“Hell yes.”

Ten little fingers, ten little toes, beautiful eyes, and the tangy scent of ozone and citrus.

“What’s his name?” Cas asked, in awe of how much he loved the pup clinging to him. So precious.

Dean smiled widely.

“Jack.”


End file.
